Scripture texts are from the King James Bible
INTRODUCTION
Fifty years ago, divorce
was almost unheard of except in some avant garde elements of our culture. In the
church, divorce was virtually not found. When we compare the church of today
with the church of 50 years ago, we are astounded at the appearance of the
dreadful phenomenon of divorce.
Today, divorce is as
common as grass. In almost every church, not only are the people in the pews
divorcing, but deacons and elders and pastors are also divorcing. The
institution of marriage has become a shambles.
How did this come
about? Did the church of 50 years ago have an incorrect understanding of the
Bible’s rules concerning marriage and divorce? The situation is terrible and
all-pervasive. We see the problems of those who have been divorced and those who
are contemplating divorce, and the trauma of the children of these unhappy
marriages is indescribable.
With the wreckage of
families has come an overwhelming lusting after sexual pleasures and
perversions. Indeed, it appears that Sodom must be moved down to second place as
the capital of perversion and lust.
The magnitude and
awfulness of the problem cannot be overemphasized. Marriage has everything to do
with the family, and the family is the foundation of society. The family is the
cornerstone of every nation. When the families are destroyed, the destruction of
the nation is not far behind. Therefore, it is imperative that we find a
solution to this terrible plague that is sweeping over the land.
In this study, we will
start and stand with the principle that the Bible is absolute truth. Only our
understanding of the Bible can be erroneous. We Christians have an obligation to
search the Scriptures to discover truth. God has much to say about the marriage
relationship, and we will examine all that the Bible has to say on the subject.
Biblical Divorce
We see churches falling away
from the truth of the Bible
We are embarking on a
search for answers to a serious and perplexing problem: To discover the truth
about the binding character of the institution of marriage. In our day,
virtually every church and denomination has decided that under certain
conditions a marriage can be broken and the divorced are permitted to remarry.
Such permissive rules
are taught and preached as the Word of God. Solemnly, pastors claim that they
have the full authority of God to encourage divorce under certain conditions and
to call God to witness the joining together in marriage of those who have been
divorced from their first spouse. What does the Bible say about this?
To understand the
Biblical teachings concerning marriage and divorce, we must start with an
understanding of the ceremonial laws of the Bible, where God first spoke
concerning marriage and divorce, and their relationship to the world and church
of today. Many theologians of our day believe they have in the ceremonial laws a
Biblical basis to permit divorce and remarriage. In their misunderstanding of
these laws, they have made a caricature of the ceremonial laws and used them to
justify divorces.
WHAT ARE
THE CEREMONIAL LAWS?
When Christ was on
earth, He spoke in parables and "without a parable spake He not unto them" (Mark
4:34). Sometimes Jesus told the people He was telling a parable. At other times
He simply told a story and from the setting in the Bible we know it was a
parable. For example, frequently He would begin a story or a declaration with
the words "the kingdom of heaven is like." When He used these introductory words
He was teaching with a parable.
A parable is an earthly
story with a heavenly meaning. That is, a parable is a story or illustration
taken from the secular world, but the application relates to some aspect of
salvation. It might teach some aspect of Christ’s death or resurrection; it
might relate to faith in the life of the believer; it might emphasize the
sending forth of the Gospel; it might point to Judgment Day. Because of the
nation of Israel was an intimate part of the Gospel story, some parables teach
about God’s plan for them. For example, in Matthew 21:33-45, the parable of the
wicked husbandmen points to the fact that the kingdom of God would be taken away
from national Israel and given to others.
In the Old Testament,
this teaching method was used extensively; for example, in the types and shadows
God employed in the ceremonial laws which outline worship activities and in the
civil laws which governed much of the Israelites’ civil pursuits. These laws
are called "ceremonial laws" by theologians because on the earthly, physical
level they were to be rigorously obeyed by the nation of Israel.
Biblical Divorce
After
Christ had hung on the cross, the physical aspect of these laws was no longer to
be obeyed. Now only the heavenly meaning inherent within these laws is to
continue. When Christ hung on the cross the great curtain separated the holy of
holies from the holy place was torn apart from top to bottom by the finger of
God. This signaled the end of the literal, physical keeping of the ceremonial
laws. From that time forward the eyes of believers are to be focused only on the
spiritual teachings set forth in the ceremonial laws as opposed to the literal,
physical keeping of the ceremonial laws.
In fact, when the New
Testament church met together to decide which of the ceremonial laws were to be
obeyed by saved Gentiles, they concluded in
Acts
15:28-29: For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no
greater burden than these necessary things; That ye abstain from meats offered
to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from
which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well.
Fare ye well. Thus, the observance of ceremonial laws ended. The ceremonial
laws ran the gamut from blood sacrifices and burnt offerings to the dimensions
and characteristics of the temple building and laws concerning planting fields
and weaving cloth.
These laws were to be
obeyed by Israel literally, as earthly experiences, but they were to realize
that the earthly event was only a shadow or type of some aspect of God’s
salvation. In
Colossians 2:16-17, God emphasizes this principle: "Let no man therefore judge
you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of
the Sabbath days: Which are a shadow of things to come, but the body is of
Christ."
Included within the
ceremonial laws were laws concerning marriage. Three of these were especially
noteworthy.
BELIEVERS
ARE NOT TO BE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS
The first of these
three laws was given to national Israel when they were coming into the land of
Canaan. Deuteronomy 7:2-4: And when the Lord
thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly
destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them;
Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give
unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn
away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the
anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
The first part of this
commandment points to the spiritual judgment of the unsaved at Judgment Day,
when believers will judge those who must be sent to hell for their sins (I
Corinthians 6:2; Revelation 2:26-27). The earthly application is that Israel was
to destroy the nations of the land of Canaan.
The second part of the
commandment points to the spiritual principle that believers are not to be
unequally yoked with unbelievers. The nation of Israel typifies the body of
believers in Christ. The heathen nations surrounding Israel typify the world
with its enticements and temptations. Men of the nations of Israel were not to
marry heathen wives, and believers are not to become attached or "married" to
the world. God declares in
Isaiah
52:11: "Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing; go
ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the Lord."
In this exhortation the
Israelites were effectively told that they were to divorce themselves from that
which was unclean. The literal, earthly application meant that if (in violation
of Deuteronomy 7:2-4), they had married heathen wives, they were to divorce
them. The truth of this can be seen dramatically in the Book of Ezra.
The last two chapters
of Ezra reveal a sad and traumatic experience faced by Israel. Under the
leadership of men like Nehemiah and Ezra, a number of Israelites had returned to
Jerusalem. In Jerusalem they discovered that a number of the men had married
heathen wives who had borne children. Ezra
9:2-4:
For they
have taken of their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the
holy seed have mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand
of the princes and rulers hath been chief in this trespass. And when I heard
this thing, I rent my garment and my mantle, and plucked off the hair of my head
and of my beard, and sat down astonished. Then were assembled unto me every one
that trembled at the words of the God of Israel, because of the transgression of
those that had been carried away; and I sat astonished until the evening
sacrifice.
In answer to the
serious charge of violation of the commandment of Deuteronomy 7:2-4, the leaders
of Israel made an important and difficult decision. They decided that these men
must be divorced from their heathen wives. Ezra 10:2-3:
And Shechaniah the son of
Jehiel, one of the songs of Elam, answered and said unto Ezra, We have
trespassed against our God, and have taken strange wives of the people of the
land, yet now there is hope in Israel concerning this thing. Now therefore let
us make a covenant with our god to put away all the wives, and such as are born
of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the
commandment of our God, and let it be done according to the law.
The decision was to let
it be done according to the law. In Isaiah 52:11 God’s law decreed that those
who had become involved with the unclean thing were to depart from that which
was unclean. In the practical sense, if an Israelite married a heathen wife, he
was to divorce that wife, which was the way Ezra and the other leaders
understood that law. Ezra 10:10-12:
And Ezra
the priest stood up, and said unto them. Ye have transgressed, and have taken
strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. Now therefore make confession
unto the Lord God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves
from the people of the land, and from the strange wives. Then all the
congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As thou hast said, so we must
do.
We read in
Ezra 10:16-17:
And the
children of the captivity did so. And Ezra the priest, with certain chief of the
fathers, after the house of their fathers, and all of them by their names, were
separated, and sat down in the first day of the tenth month to examine the
matter. And they made an end with all the men that had taken strange wives by
the first day of the first month.
Combining the commands
of Deuteronomy 7:2-4 and Isaiah 52:11 with the last two chapters of Ezra, we see
that the earthly application of the first ceremonial law concerning marriage is
that there was Biblical divorce. If a man violated the law of Deuteronomy 7:2-4
by marrying a heathen wife, the law of Isaiah 52:11 decreed that he was to
correct that sinful situation by divorcing that wife.
The spiritual or
heavenly meaning introduced by these laws continues today. In
II
Corinthians 6:14-17 God declares:
Be ye
not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth
with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye
are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and
walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore
come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the
unclean thing; and I will receive you.
God is emphasizing that
believers are not to be unequally yoked to anything that is of the kingdom of
Satan. This can be someone we are planning to marry, or it can be any situation
in which we become so entangled with the world that it is like being married to
the world.
If we find this
condition in our lives, we are to separate ourselves from it. We are to turn
away from the unclean condition. Turning away from the world is what God was
typifying by the Biblical divorce presented in the last two chapters of Ezra.
I DIVORCE
MY UNSAVED SPOUSE?
Since the men of Israel
were to divorce heathen wives, what about a mixed marriage of today wherein a
believer is married to an unbeliever? Is the believer to divorce the unsaved
spouse?
In the New Testament
when God says "Israel," He means the body of the believers. The Old Testament
men of Israel were not to marry heathen women, and the New Testament men of
Israel, the true believers, are not to marry unsaved people. Does that mean that
God intends for a believer to divorce his unsaved wife? God answers this
question in
I
Corinthians 7:12-13.
But to
the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not,
and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman
which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with
her, let her not leave him.
God further answers
this question, when He speaks of the wife who is married to the unsaved husband,
in
I
Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not
the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the
wives.
God says there is not
to be divorce in the case of this kind of marriage. Thus, the earthly
application of the ceremonial laws of Deuteronomy
7:2-4 and Isaiah 52:11 is no longer observed. No longer do these laws provide a
valid basis for divorce.
The heavenly meaning of
these laws continues today. Anyone who is so involved in or attached to the
world that he seems married to it is to turn away from it. He is to separate
himself from the unholy alliance.
Thus, until Christ went
to the cross, a biblically sanctioned divorce was required when man violated
Deuteronomy 7:2-4 by marrying heathen women. The
earthly aspect of this law came to an end when Christ died (I Corinthians
7:12-13, II Corinthians 6:14-17, I Peter 3:1).
ADULTERY
CALLS FOR THE DEATH PENALTY
A second ceremonial law
that relates to marriage is found in
Deuteronomy 22:22: "If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband,
then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the
woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel." This law demanded the
death penalty for a man and woman who were discovered in an adulterous
relationship. Dramatic judgment of those who commit adultery was the literal,
earthly application of this command.
The heavenly meaning
for Gospel application of this command is found in the New Testament, where this
command points to an awesome spiritual marriage. This marriage is revealed in
Romans
7:1-4:
Know ye
not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath
dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is
bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be
dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband
liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress, though
she be married to another man. Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead
to the laws by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to
him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.
In
a spiritual sense every one in the human race is automatically married to the
law of God. This marriage is not the result of man’s desire. Rather, it
is a marriage in which God has joined two parties together into an indissolvable
union. These two parties are the human being on the one hand and the law of God
on the other hand. Because God has joined these two together, no man can break
the union. No matter how we might wish we were free from our spiritual marriage
to the law of God, we cannot be freed from it.
It is a marriage
between a perfect husband and a very imperfect wife. The husband, the law of
God, is absolutely blameless. The wife, however, is the human being, and she is
altogether adulterous. We know that the law of God is the husband because Romans
7:1 declares that the law has dominion over the man. In any marriage, the
husband is the head of the wife and the wife is to be submissive to the husband.
Therefore, within this
spiritual marriage, we humans are to submit obediently to the law of God, which
is our spiritual husband. Every time we commit a sin we are engaging in
spiritual adultery. We are being unfaithful to our spiritual husband, the law of
God.
The law of God, as the
husband, cannot divorce the adulterous wife because what God has joined together
cannot be put asunder by man. God takes this principle so seriously that even a
perfect husband, the law of God, cannot become separated from the adulterous
wife (each human) to which it is married.
Spiritual adultery is
in view in James 4:4: "Ye adulterers and
adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God?
whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God."
In this verse, God is clearly speaking of the adulterous nature of mankind. Men
are adulterers and women are adulteresses because they live in spiritual
fornication in relationship to the law of God to which they are spiritually
married. Jesus makes reference to the adulterous condition of the human race in
Mark
8:38:
Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous
and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he
cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.
The adulterous and
sinful generation of which He speaks includes the human race throughout time.
The kingdom of Satan, to which all of the unsaved of the world belong, is
described as the great whore in Revelation 17. Because of man’s sinfulness, he
is living adulterously as a harlot. Each sinful act is an act of spiritual
adultery.
However, even though
the law of God, as the husband, cannot divorce the fornicating wife, the human
race, there is a way that this terrible marriage can be ended. Because of
fornication, the wife deserves to die. Only if she dies can this marriage be
brought to an end.
Because the husband is
absolutely just and holy, it (the law of God) will bring accusation against the
adulterous wife, demanding her death. It is this death that was anticipated in
the ceremonial law of Deuteronomy 22:22.
ONLY
ETERNAL DAMNATION CAN BREAK THE SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE
The earthly story
required that that adulterous wife and the individual with whom she had
committed adultery be stone to death. The heavenly meaning of this terrible
punishment is far more serious because the death that is required by mankind’s
husband, the law of God, is the second death, which is eternal damnation. Only
after we have spent eternity in hell can the marriage between the law of God and
each human being be ended.
When a man, a woman,
or a child dies physically, that death does not end the spiritual marriage to
the law of God. On the last day, when the individual is resurrected, his
spiritual husband, the law of God, will accuse him of spiritual fornication.
Even in hell the law of
God is present and demands the full penalty, eternity in hell. Because eternity
is forever, there will never be an end of this awesome relationship. God gives
us this warning in the ceremonial law of Deuteronomy 22:22.
Since Christ went to
the cross, the earthly aspect of this ceremonial law is not to be observed. This
is shown by Jesus; reaction to the woman taken in adultery (John 8:1-11).
According to Deuteronomy 22:22, she should have been stoned, but Jesus, who is
eternal God, nullified that command by telling the woman to sin no more.
The spiritual meaning
of Deuteronomy 22:22 continues throughout time (Romans 7:1-4). The recognition
of this spiritual situation points to our intense need for the Savior.
ONLY DEATH
CAN END THE HUMAN MARRIAGE
The word "bound" in
Romans 7:2 is important; it is the Greek word "deo." It connotes being "shackled
together." For example, in Mark 5:3 it is translated "bind" and in verse 4 as
"bound."
Mark
5:3-4:
Who had
his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had
been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any
man tame him.
In Acts 12:6 we read of
Peter in prison, "bound with two chains." The word "deo" is found many times in
the Bible and is always used in the sense of someone who is tied or shackled.
God uses this word to describe the wife’s relationship to her husband. This is
seen in Romans 7:2, and also in I Corinthians 7:39:"The wife is bound by the law
as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to
be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."
In I Corinthians 7:27
we read, "Art thou bound unto a wife?" The binding or shackling of the wife to
the husband can be broken only by the death of the husband as Romans 7:2-3
plainly teaches. She is bound to him as long as he lives.
The situation where a man be
found to lie with a consenting virgin, who is not spoken for.
We read in
Deu 22:29
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty
shekels of silver, and she shall be his
wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
HOW TO BECOME FREE FROM OUR MARRIAGE TO THE LAW
OF GOD
The Bible has a
glorious teaching that shows how we can end the spiritual application of this
ceremonial law. In Romans 7:4 God gives
the way of escape:
Wherefore,
my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye
should be married to another, even to him is raised from the dead, that we
should bring forth fruit unto God.
What does we have
"become dead to the law by the body of Christ" mean? The death required by our
spiritual husband, the law of God, is eternal damnation, and this is precisely
the death Jesus endured when He took our sins upon Himself. In the atonement He
was found guilty with our sins and God poured out His wrath upon Him as
punishment for those sins. That punishment equaled the punishment we endure if
we had to spend eternity in hell.
ADULTERY
CALLS FOR THE DEATH PENALTY
Romans 7:4 indicates
that Christ rose from the dead which is proof that the penalty demanded by the
law of God had been entirely paid. Because Christ, our substitute, endured the
equivalent of eternal damnation for each believer, each believer has become dead
to the former husband, the law of God. Thus, the law of God has no dominion over
him. He is dead to the law.
He is a new creature;
he is born again; and he is free to become spiritually married to someone else.
That someone else is Christ. The believer becomes the eternal bride of Christ.
God has joined the believer to Christ in an eternal, indissolvable marriage
relationship that no man can break asunder.
Death can never again
occur to either Christ, the husband, or to the believer, the bride; thus, there
is no possible way that this beautiful marriage can end. Even though the
believer might engage in spiritual fornication (sin), Christ cannot divorce His
bride.
The law of God, the
husband, cannot divorce the fornicating wife (the unsaved person), so, too,
Jesus cannot divorce His bride, the person who has become saved. In the human
marriage relationship, there cannot be divorce for fornication. What God has
joined together cannot be put asunder. Only death can break the marriage.
Because the believer
was given eternal life at the time of salvation, and because Christ rose from
the dead to live forever, Christ can never end the blessed marriage union
between Himself and the believer. How marvelous! How wonderful! How magnificent
is the grace of God.
The law of God is no
longer the husband of the believer, and it no longer has dominion over the
believer. The law can never again threaten the believer with death, but this
does not mean he is no longer related to the law of God. The law of God has now
become his friend. The law shows him how to enjoy to the highest possible degree
his new relationship with his new husband, Christ Jesus Himself. The believer is
no longer shackled to the law of God the way a wife is shackled to a husband.
God uses the marriage
relationship between the law of God and mankind to help us understand human
marriage, and God also uses the marriage relationship between Christ and His
bride to help us understand human marriage.
Believers are found in
every political nation, and national Israel no longer has preferred spiritual
status (since the cross); therefore, this law no longer applies to marriages
between individuals of different nationalities.
GOD’S
MARRIAGE TO ISRAEL
A third ceremonial law
that relates to marriage and divorce was introduced into the Bible because of
the spiritual marriage (which was entirely different from the marriage of the
law of God to the human race), wherein God took ancient national Israel as His
wife. Israel, as a corporate, external body, was the representation of the
kingdom of God on earth during the historical period from Abraham to Jesus. The
marriage relationship was established by God because national Israel typified
and foreshadowed the spiritual Israel of God which was to become the eternal
bride of Christ. We know this spiritual marriage between God and
national Israel existed because of God’s
complaint against the spiritual fornication of His wife, recorded in
Jeremiah 3:14: "Turn, O backsliding children,
saith the Lord; for I am married unto you." He was not married to them as
individuals; individually they were spiritually married to the law of God. He
was married to them as a corporate entity.
At no time in national
Israel’s history were they faithful. Repeatedly they lusted after gods. What was
God to do with His fornicating wife?
According to God’s
eternal law, death is required for the adulterous wife, but God could not
utterly destroy the nation, for Christ was to come out of national Israel.
Moreover, national Israel was the seedbed from which the New Testament church
would spring forth.
God’s plan was to use
national Israel as an example of His patience and mercy. In the parable of Luke
13, the fig tree that repeatedly had not borne fruit was to be cut down but was
given one more opportunity. If there still was no fruit, it was to be cut down.
Today national Israel is a viable nation amongst the nations of the world. Only
if it ceases to bear spiritual fruit will it be destroyed.
For these reasons and
possibly others, God chose not to have his spiritual wife, national Israel,
killed, and yet God planned to break His spiritual marriage with national
Israel. Once Christ went to the cross, God had purposed to end forever the
spiritual relationship He had with national Israel.
To accomplish this
goal, God introduced another law into the body of ceremonial laws. In order to
divorce Israel, God had to introduce a law that would permit divorce. God is the
giver and maker of the law, and He may introduce any law He desires. Whatever
law He sets forth, God in His perfect righteous obligates Himself to obey. In
His Word in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, God
placed a law that permitted divorce for fornication:
When a
man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no
favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him
write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of
his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another
man’s wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of
divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if
the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which
sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled;
for that is abomination before the Lord; and thou shalt not cause the land to
sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
This law permitted a
husband to divorce his wife in whom he had found some matter of uncleanness.
(Later we will show that this related to fornication.) The inclusion of this law
permitted God to divorce national Israel. We are told this in
Isaiah
50:1:
Thus
saith the Lord, Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement, whom I have put
away? and for your transgressions is your mother put away.
Likewise,
in Jeremiah 3:8 we read:
And I
saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had
put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah
feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
God continues to reveal
the sinful nature of the wife He had married in
Jeremiah 3:20: "Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so
have ye dealt treacherously with me, O house of Israel, saith the Lord."
In the ceremonial law
God introduced two dominant laws concerning adultery within a marriage. In the
case of Deuteronomy 22:22, both a man and woman who engaged in the act of
adultery were to be put to death. In the case of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, only the
wife could be divorced for fornication. No language is employed here or anywhere
else in the Bible that even suggests that a wife could divorce an adulterous
husband.
Because these laws were
part of the ceremonial laws, the citizens of the nation of Israel were to obey
them. If a husband found his wife in an act of adultery, he was to have her
stoned to death along with the man with whom she was caught. If there were some
act of obvious fornication, but the wife was not actually caught in the act of
adultery, the husband still had the right to divorce her.
In the New Testament,
Jesus made several references to this law to show that is was rescinded with His
coming and to that Israel had grossly misapplied this law. It is still grossly
misapplied by the church as a Biblical basis for divorce.
ISRAEL’S
MISUSE OF DEUTERONOMY 24
The language of
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was sufficiently unclear that the men of national Israel used
it as a basis to divorce their wives for any reason whatsoever. When we
understand why, we will better understand Matthew 5:32, a verse some people use
to justify divorce for fornication.
The key words of
Deuteronomy 24:1 are "some uncleanness." For "some uncleanness" found in a wife
the husband had Biblical cause for divorce. What was this sin?
The Hebrew word
"debar," which is translated as "some" in the phrase "some uncleanness,"
normally means "word" or "matter." Out of about 2400 usages in the Bible,
"debar" is translated in at least 1000 verses as "speak" or "talk" or something
similar. In other verses it is translated "word" (at least 770 times). Thus,
"word" or "talk" are the dominant meanings of the word "debar."
Less often, but with
considerable frequency, "debar" is translated as "act" (52 times), "matter" (63
times), and "thing" (215 times). Thus, we can safely say that in Deuteronomy
24:1,"debar" should be translated as "act," "matter," "thing," or "word."
The Hebrew word
translated as "uncleanness" in this same phrase is "ervah," which is found 54
times in the King James Bible. In more than 50 of these places it is translated
"nakedness." When we examine the places where it is translated "nakedness," we
find that it usually relates to gross sexual impurity. For example, in
Leviticus 18 and Leviticus 20, where God sets
forth commands prohibiting incest,
God employs the word "nakedness" ("ervah") at least 30 times.
Thus, the word "ervah"
takes on the meaning "fornication." In Leviticus 18:8 God warns, "The nakedness
[ervah] of thy father’s wife shalt thou not uncover." A commentary on this
warning is found in I Corinthians 5:1:
It is reported commonly that
there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named
among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife. In this verse, God
uses the word "fornication" in connection with sexual impurity between a man and
his father’s wife. In Leviticus 18:8 God speaks of this kind of sexual impurity
as uncovering the nakedness. Therefore, we can see that "nakedness" or
"uncleanness" is synonymous with "fornication."
Bringing these facts
together, we know that in Deuteronomy 24:1 God is teaching that if a man found a
"word" or a "matter" of fornication in his wife, he could write a bill of
divorcement and divorce her. Certain acts of fornication were punishable by
death, but if the particular act or word of fornication did not require the
death of the fornicating wife, the husband had the right to divorce
her. Another understanding of the meaning of "ervah" was what opened the
door for the Israelite husband to divorce his wife under almost any
circumstance.
DIVORCE
FOR ANY CAUSE
In Deuteronomy 23:12-14
God uses the identical phrase, "ervah dabar," which is the key phrase of
Deuteronomy 24:1. "Ervah debar" does not refer to fornication; rather, it refers
to ceremonial uncleanness, Deuteronomy 23:12-14:
Thou shalt have a place also
without the camp, whither though shalt go forth abroad: And thou shalt have a
paddle upon thy weapon, and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad,
thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from
thee: For the Lord thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee,
and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that
he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee. The phrase
"unclean thing" near the end of this quotation is "ervah debar." What was the
"unclean thing"? In this context it was nothing more than the discharge from a
person’s body when he or she felt the call of nature. When a person felt the
urge, he was to go outside the camp, dig a hole and receive his body’s
discharge, and then cover it so that the surface of the ground would be clean.
Actually, any discharge
from the body made a person unclean. According to the ceremonial laws of
Leviticus 15, any running issue, any kind of discharge from the body, made a
person unclean. A woman menstruating was unclean. Someone experiencing diarrhea
that spotted his garments was unclean.
Therefore, the "ervah
debar" in Deuteronomy 23:14 gave the men of Israel tremendous leverage in their
marriages. All he had to do was spot menstrual blood on his wife’s garments, or
any other discharge that touched her or her garments, and that would serve the
hardhearted husband’s purpose. In the intimacy of marriage the opportunities to
see "some uncleanness" in one’s wife were numerous.
Thus, the men could
divorce their wives quite easily. The wife had no security whatsoever. Even if
she had not been guilty of fornication, the husband could find plenty of
"Biblical" reason to divorce her if this was his desire.
JESUS SETS
THE MATTER STRAIGHT
Jesus took issue with
this understand of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Jesus clarified the law by showing that
these verses of Deuteronomy 24 only permitted fornication as a ground for
divorce.
Matthew
5:31-32:
It hath
been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of
divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving
for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever
shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Verse 31 relates back
to Deuteronomy 24:1-4, the only passage of the Old Testament that relates in a
clear way to Jesus’ statement in Matthew 5:31. Jesus points out that ancient
Israel had widened the application of the cause for divorce far beyond the scope
intended by Deuteronomy 24:1, where the cause had to be a specific word or
matter of fornication. Matthew 5:31 states that all that was required for
divorce at that time was the writing of divorcement. Jesus, therefore, restates
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 in verse 32. Jesus accomplishes three things by this
restatement. First, He underscores the Jews’ total disregard for the sanctity of
marriage and will show that the cause for divorce was to have been something
quite adulterous.
Second, He reveals the
awful sinfulness of divorce in that it causes the divorced wife to commit
adultery even though she, by her own action, might be innocent of adultery.
Third, He restates
Deuteronomy 24:2-4 to show that the wife who was divorced should not remarry.
DEUTERONOMY 24 ALLOWS DIVORCE ONLY FOR FORNICATION
The first phrase we
must understand in Matthew 5:32 is, "saving for the cause of fornication," which
relates closely to Deuteronomy 24:1.
The word "saving" is
the Greek word "parektos," which is used in only two other places in the Bible.
It is translated "except" in
Acts 26:29:"And Paul said, I would to God, that
not only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both almost, and
altogether such as I am, except these bonds." In this verse "parektos" is
translated "without" in II Corinthians
11:28:"Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily,
the care of all the churches." Here the Biblical meaning of "parektos" is
"without."
Returning to Matthew
5:32, we discover that the English phrase "for the cause" is the Greek word
"logos," which is translated as "word" more than 200 times in the Bible. It is
also translated in a few instances as "matter" or "thing." Thus, "logos" can
mean either "word" or "matter" or "thing," and is the Greek equivalent of the
Hebrew word "debar" used in Deuteronomy 24:1. The word "fornication" used in
Matthew 5:32 is the Greek word "porneias" which is always translated
"fornication." Therefore, the phrase "saving for
the cause of fornication" can be accurately
translated "without a word or matter of fornication." This is
surprisingly close to the literal rendering of the Hebrew "ervah debar" of
Deuteronomy 24:1. Remember, the usual translation of "debar" was "word" or
"talk" or "matter," and the usual translation of "ervah" was "nakedness" in the
context of fornication.
Thus, we see evidence
that Jesus was focusing in on Deuteronomy 24:1 by the specific language He used
in Matthew 5:32. He was teaching that the "uncleanness" of Deuteronomy 24:1 was
not meant to be understood as some ceremonial uncleanness such as menstrual
blood or a diarrhea discharge. Rather, the "uncleanness" was meant to present
fornication as the only cause for which a man could divorce his wife.
DIVORCE
CAUSES AN INNOCENT SPOUSE TO BE ADULTEROUS
Christ introduces an
additional principle in the next phrase in verse 32, where He says: "causeth her
to commit adultery." How are we to understand this?
Let us begin by reading
verse 32 without the phrase "saving for the cause of fornication." It now reads
"whosoever shall put away his wife…causeth her to commit adultery." In this
statement Jesus introduces a very serious matter: While it is altogether wrong
for a divorce to occur, should it occur, such a divorce causes the wife to
commit adultery. Does this merely mean that the divorced wife becomes prone to
adultery because, if she should marry someone else, that marriage would be
adulterous as Romans 7:2-3 teaches? No. There is no evidence that Jesus is
teaching this. He is simply saying that if a man divorces his wife, regardless
of how holy or pure she might be in herself, she has been forced by the divorce
itself to commit adultery. The very act of the divorce caused her marriage to
become adulterated and in that sense she has been caused to commit adultery.
Jesus underscores the terribleness of the sin of divorce. Not only does the
husband who desires the divorce sin, but he also causes his wife to sin, even if
she does not want the divorce.
This becomes
understandable when we remember that those who have married have become fused by
God into one flesh, a divine union which no man can break apart. Therefore, if a
man breaks apart that which God has joined together, the union has been
adulterated. However, if the wife had committed fornication before the
divorce, then she herself committed adultery. Based on Deuteronomy 24:1, the man
had a right to divorce his wife in such a case. Since she was adulterous before
she was divorced, the husband’s act of divorcing her was not the cause of her
sinful state of adultery. Jesus does not call attention to Deuteronomy 24:1 to
indicate that this command is to continue in force throughout time. He is simply
showing that while Deuteronomy 24:1 was in force, a man had to discover actual
fornication in his wife to divorce her and to put her away for any lesser cause
was a violation of that command.
Since that command was
repealed (as we shall see when we study Mark 10 and Matthew 19), Jesus
definitely is not teaching that fornication is a cause for divorce. Therefore,
This verse is not dealing with the question of whether or not there is any cause
for divorce. Rather, Jesus is emphasizing the seriousness of the sin of divorce.
THE WOMAN
WHO IS DIVORCED BECOMES DEFILED IF SHE MARRIES AGAIN
The third point that
Jesus makes involves a restatement and clarification of Deuteronomy 24:2-4. In
the King James Bible, the use of the word "may" in the phrase "she may go,"
appears to say that the fornicating wife who was divorced was free to marry.
However, in the original Hebrew the word "may" is not included; thus, the Bible
is not teaching she may go and be another man’s wife. This can be seen by the
language found in verse 4, where God indicates she will have become defiled if
she remarries. Effectively, God is teaching that if the divorced wife becomes
another man’s wife, she will be defiled so that she cannot return to her first
husband.
This principle is
reiterated and expanded in the last phrase of
Matthew 5:32 where Jesus declares that
"whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Because
the divorced wife who has remarried has become defiled as a result of the
remarriage, it logically follows that the man who married her has entered into
an adulterous marriage. Jesus emphasizes the fact that such a man has indeed
committed adultery.
DEUTERONOMY 24:1 ALLOWED ONLY ONE-HALF OF ISRAEL TO DIVORCE
The law that permitted
a man to divorce his wife for fornication applied to only half of Israel.
Deuteronomy 24:1 only permitted the husband to divorce his wife. This was
because, in its ceremonial nature, the law was pointing to the coming divorce of
national Israel. No provision of any kind was made for the wife to divorce the
husband because no aspect of God’s salvation plan or of God’s dealing with
national Israel included the possibility or national Israel divorcing God.
Therefore, a wife could never divorce a fornicating husband. In her relationship
to her husband, she was under the universal law given from the beginning of
creation that there was not to be divorce for any reason whatsoever.
Thus, in the case of
the law of God (the husband) being spiritually married to the individual (the
wife), there never was a time when divorce for fornication or for any other
reason was allowed. Also, in the nation of Israel, the wife could never divorce
the husband for his fornication. Only the husband could divorce the wife for
fornication because that was part of the ceremonial law which pointed to God’s
coming divorce of corporate, national Israel. In summary, we see that
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 taught the following principles:
1 A husband could divorce
his wife only is she were found guilty of fornication.
2 The wife, who was guilty
of fornication and, as a result, was divorced, would become defiled if she
married someone else. Thus she was to remain single.
3 No permission was given to
the wife to divorce her husband for any reason whatsoever.
In Matthew 5:32 Jesus
reiterated the basic principles of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and expanded them to
teach:
1 A husband who divorced his
wife for any reason other than fornication caused her to commit adultery.
2 Any man who married a
divorced woman committed adultery.
What
does the Bible teach concerning the continuation of the law of
Deuteronomy 24:1-4? The spiritual, heavenly meaning of these verses ended when
Jesus hung on the cross. The veil of the temple was rent asunder, which signaled
the finality of God’s divorce from national Israel. Because it was written into
Old Testament law in order that God might divorce national Israel for its
spiritual fornication, we have reason to suspect that it (like other ceremonial
laws), ceased to have any physical application after the crucifixion. The
Bible shows that this law was rescinded by the Lord Jesus Christ. The Pharisees
came to Jesus with a question concerning divorce, and we read in
Mark 10:2: "And the Pharisees came to
him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him."
Their question must
relate to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 for it is the only Old Testament passage that
speaks of the possibility of a man divorcing his wife. This can be seen in
Jesus’ answer in Mark 10:3-4: "And he answered and said unto them, What did
Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement,
and to put her away." Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is clearly the passage that Jesus is
addressing as He continues to teach.
In
verse 5 Jesus explains why this command has been inserted into Old
Testament law: "And Jesus answered and said
unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept." It
was because of the hardness of the hearts of ancient Israel that the law was
given to allow divorce for fornication. Did God want to provide relief to the
husbands by setting forth a law that permitted them to divorce if their wives
were involved in fornication? Or did He give the law because the husbands would
be so unforgiving of their fornicating wives that, because of the hardness of
their hearts, these unforgiving husbands were allowed to divorce their wives?
These possibilities do not make sense. God lays down laws that help us to live
more holy before Him rather than to allow us to live sinfully.
Only when we realize
the truth as to why God inserted this law into the ceremonial laws of the Bible
can this verse be understood. The phrase "hardness
of heart" relates to that which is rebellious, and rebellion against God is
spiritual fornication. God gave this law so that He, as the husband of
national Israel, could divorce His fornication wife. Because of the hardness of
heart, or spiritual fornication of national Israel, the law was given. Thus,
once God had divorced national Israel, this law had no further purpose.
Therefore, in
Mark 10:6-9,
Jesus directly and plainly rescinds the Old
Testament command:
But from
the beginning of the creation of God made them male and female. For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain
shall be one flash: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Jesus indicates that is
was never God’s intention for divorce to be permitted. It is true that
temporarily God did open a very narrow window permitting a man to divorce his
fornicating wife, but this was only so that God could divorce fornicating
national Israel.
Jesus
says in Mark 10:11-12:
And he
saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another,
committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and
be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
allowed a husband to divorce a fornicating wife. A wife was given no right
whatsoever to divorce a fornicating husband. Jesus has rescinded the husband’s
right to divorce a fornicating wife, and He emphasizes the impossibility of
Biblical divorce from both directions, the husband divorcing the wife and the
wife divorcing the husband.
In
Mark 10:11-12 God underscores another vital principal: A divorced man or woman
cannot become remarried. According to verse 11, if a man remarries, he
commits adultery against his first wife. Why is this?
We learned in Romans
7:1-4 that the wife is bound to her husband as long as they both live.
Therefore, even though a divorce may have seemingly broken the marriage
relationship, from God’s vantage point the man and wife are still bound to each
other. Therefore, if the man takes another wife while his first wife is still
living, he is committing adultery. He is adulterating the lifelong union God has
made between this man and his first wife. Likewise, verse 12 emphasizes that the
wife may not marry someone else after divorce. Even though she is legally
divorced, in God’s sight she is still bound to her first husband. Therefore, she
commits adultery if she marries another while her first husband is still living.
The principle of the binding relationship of the wife to the husband is repeated
in I Corinthians 7:39The
wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be
dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
In I
Corinthians 7:10 we are instructed, "Let not
the wife depart from [that is, divorce] her husband." In
I Corinthians 7:11 God says, "and let not the
husband put away his wife." All of the Bible’s teachings are consistent
and in agreement. In Luke 16:17 Jesus makes reference to the eternal nature of
the law of God: "And it is easier for
heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail." Having
indicated the perpetual nature of the law of God, Jesus immediately addresses
the question of a man divorcing his wife. He exhorts in
Luke
16:18:
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and
whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
In this statement we
find the same truth we have learned from Mark 10:2-12, Romans 7:1-4, and I
Corinthians 7. There is not to be divorce! No exceptions!
MATTHEW 19:9
We want to look
carefully at the one verse that has been abused most consistently in man’s
efforts to find a Biblical basis for divorce. Matthew 19:9, which immediately
relates to Deuteronomy 24:1-4, has the appearance of allowing divorce for
fornication.
Matthew
19:9:
And I
say unto you. Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication,
and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whose marrieth her which is
put away doth commit adultery.
Many theologians read
this verse and quickly conclude that it teaches there can be no divorce except
in the case of fornication. We have already seen in our study that there is no
Biblical cause for divorce. Therefore, we can be sure that this one verse,
Matthew 19:9, cannot allow divorce for fornication or for any other reason. If
we concluded otherwise, we would have before us a major contradiction. The
Bible is one harmonious whole. While it may have statements that appear
contradictory, we know that they are not actual contradictions. They only appear
to be contradictions because our understanding of the questionable passages
remains incomplete.
Let us assume for a
moment that we must base our whole understanding of divorce and remarriage on
this one verse, Matthew 19:9. What would we learn?
Matthew 19:9 apparently
teaches that a man may divorce his wife for fornication. But notice: there is no
suggestion that the wife may divorce the husband for fornication. There is not
even the slightest implication or indication that the wife can divorce the
husband. In fact, nowhere in the Bible is there any statement that teaches that
the wife can divorce the husband. Also the verse does not justify the husband
for divorcing his wife for any reason except fornication.
Additionally, Matthew
19:8 tells us that Moses allowed the husband to divorce his wife for the cause
of fornication only because of the hardness of the husband’s heart:
He saith unto them, Moses
because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but
from the beginning it was not so.
The term "hardness of
heart" refers to someone who is unsaved, someone who is in rebellion against
God.
Thus, if anyone
insisted on understanding Matthew 19:9 without regard to any other teachings of
the Bible, the most that he could see in this verse would be that a husband
could divorce his wife only in the case of fornication, and such a divorce would
be an indication of the husband’s unsaved, rebellious spiritual condition.
Therefore, even on the basis of Matthew 19:9, no true child of God would ever
countenance the thought of divorce. Rather, he would realize that he is called
upon to repeatedly forgive his wife for the sin of fornication just as he is to
forgive any other sin.
When we consider what
modern day theologians have done with this verse, we should be skeptical of
their conclusions, for when they decide there can be divorce for the cause of
fornication, they immediately conclude that not only can the husband divorce the
fornicating wife, but the wife also can divorce the fornicating husband. Yet
neither this verse nor any other verse in the Bible allows a wife to divorce her
husband. Thus, when we hear such teachings, we should suspect gross violation of
the true understanding of this verse.
"Does the Bible teach
that fornication is grounds for divorce?" The answer is emphatically
"No!"
In Matthew 19:8, Jesus
emphasizes two important truths. First, this command was inserted into the law
book primarily to give God a way to divorce national Israel because of their
spiritual rebellion, their hardness of heart. Second, He is indicating that this
was not God’s eternal plan for human marriage for "from the beginning it was not
so."
Jesus emphasizes in
Matthew 19:8 that a man was no longer to put away his wife for fornication, so
it does not make sense at all that our Lord would reintroduce in the next verse
the command He has just rescinded.
NO DIVORCE
FOR ANY REASON
A correct understanding
of Matthew 19:9 is forthcoming if we go to the opening sentence of the paragraph
in which Matthew 19:9 is found. In Matthew 19:3 we read: "The Pharisees also
came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put
away his wife for every cause?" Jesus answered them in verse 6: "What therefore
God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
In verse 7 the
Pharisees asked about Deuteronomy 24:1, which permitted divorce for fornication.
Jesus answers their question in verse 8 and indicates that Deuteronomy 24:1 was
rescinded.
In verse 9 Jesus
returns to the Pharisees’ original question: Can a man put away his wife for
every cause? In verse 8 He indicates that fornication was no longer to be a
cause for divorce. In verse 9 He covers every possible reason other than
fornication and indicates that any other reason was also an invalid cause for
divorce. Effectively, He is saying in verse 9, "whosoever puts away his wife for
any reason [in addition to or other than or except] for fornication [which we
have just seen in verse 8 to be an invalid cause for divorce] and marries
another commits adultery."
The word "except" (the
Greek "ei me") takes on the sense or meaning of "in addition to" or "other than"
in this context. This meaning of "ei me" is fairly common in the Bible. For
example, in Matthew 19:17 Jesus says: "there is none good but [ei me] one, that
is, God." This verse could be read: "there is none good [in addition to or other
than] one, that is, God." Likewise, in Mark 8:14 we read: "Now the disciples had
forgotten to take bread, neither had they in the ship with them more than one
loaf." The phrase "more than" is also "ei me." Here, too, we could translate:
"neither had they in the ship with them [in addition to or other than] one
loaf."
Many other examples
could be given, but these two should suffice to show that in Matthew 19:9, Jesus
is simply covering all other possible causes for divorce "except," "other than,"
"in addition to" fornication. He has already eliminated the cause of fornication
in verse 8.
Jesus has twice
answered the question posed by the Pharisees in verse 3 concerning divorce for
every cause. He has first answered it in verses 4-6 by saying there is not to be
divorce for any reason. Then in verses 7 and 8, He specifically teaches that
fornication cannot be a cause for divorce. In verse 9 He applies this teaching
to all other causes of divorce, except the cause of fornication, which He had
just covered in verse 8.
The removal of
fornication as a cause for divorce so shocked the disciples that they said to
Jesus in verse 10: "His disciple say unto him, If the case of the man be so with
his wife, it is not good to marry." They apparently could not envision a
marriage wherein a husband had lost all right to divorce his wife. The disciples
were astounded and dismayed that there could no longer be divorce. Their
reaction to the statements Jesus made in Matthew 19:4-9 underscores the fact
that Jesus had rescinded the command of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. The earthly
application of the other ceremonial laws came to an end when Jesus came, and the
application of the ceremonial law of a man divorcing his fornicating wife also
ended with His coming. In fact, not only did the physical application of this
law end, but the spiritual application ended as well.
The last half of
Matthew 19:9, "and shall marry another,
committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit
adultery," is almost an exact duplication of Luke 16:18. We saw in
Luke 16:18, Matthew 5:32, and Mark 10:11-12,
that God indicated that a man was not to marry another wife after divorce, and
anyone who married the divorced wife committed adultery. Clearly the law stand
today that as long as the divorced spouse lives, there is not to be remarriage
after divorce.
The Bible records that
when Joseph, the stepfather of Jesus, thought Mary had committed fornication
because she was with child, he, being a just man, sought how to put her away
(Matthew 1:19). The fact that the Bible says he was a "just" man underscores the
fact that God was absolutely holy and righteous when He divorced national Israel
as a corporate body. God divorced them as a corporate body, not as individuals.
God could not divorce them as individuals within the nation because He was not
married to them on that level. The law of God as the husband was married to them
as individuals and in that relationship there could be no divorce. No matter how
adulterous any man became, he remained under the law God, even as the wife
remains under the dominion of her husband. God used national Israel to display
various types and figures which were shadows of the spiritual reality that was
to be fulfilled in Christ. Their corporate marriage to God was a picture of the
marriage of Christ to the eternal church. God married Israel when it was a
nothing, and the believer becomes the bride of Christ when he is spiritually
dead in his sins. God lavished his love on his wife, national Israel, by
showering them with physical and spiritual blessings, and He showers spiritual
blessings on His eternal bride, the true believers in Christ.
THE
UNSAVED SPOUSE BREAKS THE MARRIAGE
We will now examine a
verse that is sometimes used as a Biblical basis for remarriage after divorce.
I Corinthians 7:15:
But if
the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under
bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Does I Corinthians 7:15
teach that if the unbelieving spouse insists upon a divorce, the believing
spouse is no longer bound in that marriage, and therefore is free to remarry?
We know from our
previous studies that the conclusion that a divorced person can remarry is
erroneous. The key word that we need to understand is the word that means
"under bondage." It is the Greek word "douloo"
which means "to enslave." It is from the Greek word "doulos" which is
translated "slave," "bondservant," or "servant" in the Bible. It is commonly
used to refer to a man’s relationship to Christ. Paul was a servant (doulos) of
Christ (Romans 1:1). We are servants of Christ (Colossians 4:12;II Timothy
2:24). On the other hand, we may be the slave of sin (II Peter 2:19). The word "doulos"
or "douloo" is never used of the relationship that exists between husband and
wife. Insofar as the Bible is concerned, the husband is never the slave of the
wife; the wife is never the slave of the husband.
God
says in I Corinthians 7:27, "Art thou bound unto a wife?" but this word "bound"
is entirely different from "doulos" or "douloo." It is the Greek word "deo."
It is a word that gives the sense of two things being bound or tied together.
The prisoner is bound (Mark 6:17). The donkey was tied (Mark 11:2). The husband
and wife are bound to each other (I Corinthians 7:27, 39; Romans 7:2), but the
idea of being a servant or a slave is not found in the word "deo."
Nowhere else in the
Bible is "douloo" identified with the husband-wife relationship. How are we to
understand its use in I Corinthians 7:15? The answer can be seen if we properly
understand the problem being addressed by this verse. Let use look at a
situation common to our day. The Christian wife knows there is not to be a
divorce under any circumstance, but the unsaved husband insists on a divorce. He
refuses to obey God’s Word because he is unsaved. God’s Word means little or
nothing to him.
What is his wife to do?
Is she bitterly and relentlessly to fight her husband in order to prevent the
divorce? God has an answer for this situation. She is called to peace. She is
not to fight. In her bondage to Christ, earnestly desiring to do God’s will, she
is not to fight the divorce. She is not bound to Christ’s written law to the
point that she is to engage in such a fight.
If her husband divorces
her, she cannot remarry as long as her husband is living (Romans 7:2-3). Instead
of marrying, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband as
I
Corinthians 7:11 says:
But and
if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and
let not the husband put away his wife.
I Corinthians 7:15 is
not intended to give aid or comfort to those seeking divorce. When carefully
understood in the light of everything else the Bible teaches about marriage,
this verse is found to be in perfect agreement with the principle that there is
not to be divorce for any reason.
ART THOU
LOOSED FROM A WIFE?
Another passage that
is sometimes made to serve as a rationale to permit divorce is I
Corinthians 7:27-28:
Art thou
bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife, seek not
a wife. but and if thou marry, thou has not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she
hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare
you.
It is apparent and
certainly Biblical to understand the phrase "seek not to be loosed," as a
command not to seek divorce. That conclusion agrees with everything we have seen
in the Bible concerning marriage. But verses 27 and 28 go on to say, "Art thou
loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not
sinned."
With this statement in
mind, the argument is often presented that if the first word "loosed" in verse
27 refers to divorce, then the second word "loosed" must also refer to divorce.
This interpretation makes the verse seem to teach that someone who is divorced
can remarry. However, that conclusion, when tested by all the passages of the
Bible that speak of divorce and remarriage, is shown to be wrong. Nowhere else
in the Bible does God permit remarriage after divorce if the wife or husband
still lives. Therefore, we should know that we have arrived at a wrong
conclusion concerning the meaning of this verse.
First, we assumed that
the word "loosed" refers only to divorce. Actually, there are two ways a husband
could be loosed from a wife; she could have been divorced or she could have
died. Therefore, verse 27 is simply saying, "Art thou bound" [Greek deo which
means shackled to], unto a wife? seek not to [desire to] be loosed." That is, do
not desire that God would take her in death, the Biblical means of ending the
marriage; and do not desire to be divorced from her, the unbiblical way to end
the marriage. If you are loosed from a wife, verse 28 declares you can remarry.
Since there is clear evidence in the Bible that you cannot remarry if you have
been divorced, we can be sure that in the second usage of the word "loosed," God
cannot have divorce in mind. If He did, this verse would contradict everything
else in the Bible that concerns marriage and divorce
The only possible
meaning in regards to the second usage o the word "loosed" is that the shackle
that has bound the wife to the husband has been broken by her death. That
conclusion is in total agreement with passages like Romans 7:1-4.
As a matter of fact,
even the first usage of the word "loosed" in I Corinthians 7:27 cannot refer to
divorce because Romans 7:2 stipulates that only if her husband is dead is a wife
loosed from the law of her husband. In other words, even if a husband divorces
his wife, she is still bound to him insofar as God’s law is concerned.
Therefore, when God speaks of a man being loosed from his wife, He can be
referring only to the loosing caused by the death of his wife.
Thus, I Corinthians
7:27-28, like all of the other passages we have examined, gives no assent
whatsoever to the idea of divorce or remarriage after divorce.
THE
UNSAVED SPOUSE BREAKS THE MARRIAGE
In this chapter we will
look at the marriage union itself. Is it just a partnership between two people
who stand on the same ground? Is it merely a contract that is analogous to any
other contract with which we might be familiar?
We have begun to
discover that marriage is not a contract; it is not a partnership. It is a union
– a union of such consequence that two people, as it were, have become fused
into one being. The Bible uses the language:
"they are no more twain, but one flesh" (Matthew 19:6). The intensity and
reality of this fusion are described in
I
Corinthians 7:3-5:
Let the
husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto
the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and
likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud
ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you
not for your incontinency.
In this statement God
establishes the principle that the two who are married are to live in the
greatest possible intimacy. Their bodies belong to each other. Except for brief
spiritual activity, they are not to deny their bodies from each other. No other
physical relationship exists in the world like this relationship. They are to
live as one body because God has ordained that they are one flesh. God
emphasizes that this union is not made by man but by God (Mark 10:9). Does this
refer only to a Christian marriage? If that were true, then all non-Christian
marriages would not be marriages; they would simply be a man and woman living
together in an adulterous relationship.
God is speaking of
every marriage in the human race. We know that God has all marriages throughout
the history of the world in view because Mark 10:6-8 takes us all the way back
to our first parents who were created to be husband and wife.
Mark
10:6-8:
But from
the beginning of the creation of God made them male and female. For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain
shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
When two people are
joined in marriage and consummate that relationship in the marriage bed, it is a
union made by God. This is indeed a remarkable truth. It is hard to find any
other physical human experience wherein we can say conclusively, "This is God’s
action."
Even the marriage that
was consummated as an act of rebellion against God is still a marriage which God
has made into an indissolvable union. This does not make God guilty of sin,
because God cannot sin. Rather, in accomplishing His divine purposes, God
utilizes the sinful desires of man.
For example, God
allowed the brothers of Joseph to commit the dastardly crime of selling their
younger brother into slavery so that later, Joseph, as Prime Minister of Egypt,
would be able to save them from starvation. Likewise, God can utilize a sinfully
contracted marriage for His own purposes. God informs us that once a marriage is
consummated, a union has come into being by the action of God.
For that reason, God
speaks of the wife being bound to the husband (Romans 7:2; I Corinthians 7:39).
If the wife is bound to the husband, then it logically follows that the husband
is bound to the wife. Earlier in our study, we saw that the word "bound," which
God uses in these verses, means to be "tied to" or "shackled together." Remember
that God declared that only He could break the marriage union. He does this by
claiming one spouse in death.
THE
MARRIAGE UNION MAY NOT BE BROKEN BY MAN
Counselors who
encourage quarreling spouses to try a trial separation are in violation of God’s
Word. Divorce, which is so much in vogue in our day, is a terrible violation of
God’s edict concerning marriage.
Rather
than encouraging separation, the Bible insists that the bodies of those who are
married belong to each other (I Corinthians 7:3-5). No matter how badly the
marriage is going, that principle is to be observed. Woe unto us when we take
these matters into our own hands
God underscores the
sacredness of the marriage union in Mark
10:11-12:
And he
saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another,
committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and
be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Romans
7:2-3:
For the
woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he
liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall
be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law;
so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
Jesus
restates the principle in Luke
16:18:
"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and
whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery."
Surely the Bible could not be any clearer! There is not to be separation! There
is not to be divorce!
Why has God put such
emphasis on the sanctity of marriage? God in His mercy has placed great
protection around the family. These laws protect the husband and fathers so that
he is included in the family as long as any of the other family members are
living. The wife and children are protected in the same way.
In our day, divorce has
become so rampant in our land that we know of wives who are trying to get along
without husbands, husbands who have rejected their wives, and bewildered, broken
children who hardly know who their parents are. Indeed, when the church first
began to rewrite the rules of the Bible to permit divorce, it was the beginning
of the end for families. The wind was sown, but the whirlwind is being
reaped. There is a staggering amount of evidence in the lives of those from
broken families to indicate that the church committed drastic sin when it
tampered with God’s marriage laws. It is like the mythical Pandora’s box, the
lid of which could not be closed when sin began to pour forth. We have begun to
see the reality of the magnification and terrible consequences of tampering with
God’s sacred laws.
There is another reason
why God enters into every marriage and claims responsibility for fusing two
people into one flesh. God uses the human marriage as a picture of Christ and
the believers; God fuses the husband and wife into one flesh, and through the
Lord Jesus Christ, He makes Himself one with the believers. This unique oneness
is spoken of in many different ways in the Bible. The believer is "in Christ
Jesus" (Romans 8:1); Christ is in the believer (Romans 8:10); God the Holy
Spirit dwells within the believer (Romans 8:11); and sanctified are all of one:
for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren." The believers are
called the bride of Christ (Revelation 21:2, 9). God develops the human marriage
as a type or figure of Christ’s relationship to the believer in the beautiful
language of
Ephesians
5:28-32:
So ought
men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth
it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh,
and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and
shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great
mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
In this passage, God
carefully declares that the joining of the husband to the wife as one flesh
points directly to Christ and the eternal church. Thus, God has placed His
divine hand on the marriage union because He has made it a type or figure of the
intimate and eternally-binding relationship that exists between Christ and the
true believers, His eternal church. Even as the husband and wife live together
in the greatest intimacy, so Christ lives in similar intimacy with the believer.
Even as God has fused the husband and wife together into one flesh, so God has
fused Christ and the believer together in such a way that God can use the same
phrase, "one flesh," when speaking of this spiritual union.
Death is the only way
the physical union of husband and wife can be broken, but the believer in Christ
has eternal life. That is, he can never die spiritually. Since Christ is eternal
God, who died once at the cross and will never die again, there is no
possibility of breaking the union between Christ and the believer. Neither the
bride (the believer), nor the husband (Christ) can ever die. Therefore, no
sinful action on the part of the believer can threaten his marriage with Christ.
Even as in human marriage there cannot be divorce for fornication, the spiritual
marriage between Christ and the believer cannot be broken by the spiritual
fornication of the believer. What tremendous comfort and assurance we should
receive from this glad truth!
THE
HUSBAND'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
The Bible commands in
Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives." Does this command apply when the
wife does not love the husband? Does it apply when the wife indicates she hates
her husband, when she is on drugs, or is a drunkard, or is living in
fornication? Would God expect the husband to love this kind of wife?
God’s command to the
husband to love his wife is unconditional. He must have no reservations insofar
as his love for his wife is concerned. No matter what she might be or become, he
is to love her.
How do we know this? We
know because the Bible offers no advice concerning conditions for a cessation of
this love. Even in the verses that seem to suggest but actually do not allow the
possibility of divorce, there is no suggestion of a cessation of love. In fact,
God teaches that forgiveness is to be normative in a Christian’s life.
Matthew 18:21-22:
Then
came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and
I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee,
Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Since there is to be no
end of forgiveness toward the one who has sinned against us, surely the
principle of forgiveness will apply to the husband-wife relationship. Therefore,
no matter what the wife does or says that displeases her husband, he is to
forgive her. The principle, "Husbands, love your wives," still stands.
AS CHRIST
LOVED THE CHURCH
There is a second
dynamic reason why a husband’s love for his wife is to be without reservation.
Ephesians 5:25 informs us: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave himself for it." God gives us an example of the kind of
love the husband is to have for his wife: as Christ loved the eternal church.
How did Christ love the church? The church that God has in view is the body of
true believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal church.
What is the character
of Christ’s love towards those whom He plans to save? He loves them when they
are still entirely rebellious against Him. He loves them without any conditions
or reservations of any kind. He draws them to Himself when they are in rebellion
against Him. He inclines their hearts to love Him. He pays for their sins. He
forgives every sin they will ever commit.
To accomplish their
salvation Christ denied Himself entirely. He was stripped of the glory He had
eternally with the Father. He humbled Himself to the lowest possible degree,
becoming one with the sinful human race which arrogantly had rebelled against
Almighty God. Jesus Himself was without sin but He became laden with our sins.
He bore the punishment demanded by God for those sins. That punishment was the
worst that will ever be endured by anyone, for it was the equivalent of eternal
damnation on behalf of everyone who would come to be His bride.
God has given us an
awesome example of the way husbands are to love their wives and the kind of
sacrifices they are to make as they seek the very best for their wives. What
about after we are saved? Does Christ’s relationship to His bride change? Again
we stand amazed at the compassion, the patience, the forgiveness of Christ. No
matter how often the true believer sins, Christ always forgives him. Christ
promises that He will never leave him nor forsake him. God’s love is tender and
everlasting. Nothing His bride can say or do can separate her from Christ’s
love.
Regardless of what the
wife does or becomes, the husband is to love her, cherish her, and patiently
forgive. Christ, in His love for the eternal church, wanted the very best for
the church, so husbands are to always want the very best for their wives. In his
love for his wife, a husband will find that many times he has to deny himself.
For the good of his family, he may have to give up his cherished hobby. He may
find that he cannot spend the time he would like to spend with his special
friends.
It may mean that he
will have to reconsider his own personal thinking concerning the vocation he
would like to follow or the place where he would like to live. Always he must
have a loving concern for the feelings and needs of his wife and children.
As head of the house,
he is not to consider himself "the big boss." While he never loses sight of his
responsibility as the head of the family, he always tries to think of what is
best for what is best for his wife and family. He lovingly guides his family. He
has the final authority under God, but he exercises that authority with great
love, tenderness, and empathy for his family.
Under no circumstances
is he to be resentful toward his wife. Whatever she is or does, he is to
patiently continue to love her. He is never to think about others he could have
married or wish his wife could be like someone else. He is never to countenance
the idea that he wishes he were married to someone else. The full focus of his
attention and concern should be toward his wife and family. No matter how
difficult the situation may be, he is never to think of divorce.
He is to accept with no
reservations the fact that his wife is an integral part of his life as long as
she lives. Because God has fused her to him so that they are one flesh, he knows
that he cannot take any action that disregards his wife. his wife should be at
least as important to him as anything else in his life. Only his love for his
Savior should be greater than his love for his wife. in his love for his Savior,
he knows he is to love and care for his wife the same way and to the same degree
that he loves and cares for himself. The greatest blessing a man could desire
for his wife is eternal life. Therefore, a husband is not only to provide for
the physical needs of his wife, he is, above all, to provide for her spiritual
needs. He has the responsibility of providing a godly home, and he has the
responsibility of leading his family in the fear and nurture of the Lord.
The God-fearing husband
has realized the highest possible good for himself, which is salvation.
Furthermore, he will do whatever is necessary to care for and satisfy the needs
of his own body. This comes naturally to him. In these verses he is exhorted to
love his wife as he loves his own body. If his body becomes ill, wounded, or
troubled, he still loves it; he is to love his wife the same way. No matter what
moral, mental, or physical difficulties his wife may experience, he is to love
her. Because he is saved, he knows that finally his body will be changed into a
glorious spiritual body, and he is to desire the highest blessing, a glorified
spiritual body, for his wife. He is to honor and respect his wife.
I Thessalonians 4:4: "That every one of you
should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour."
The vessel God has in
view in this verse is the wife. The husband is to regard his wife as a holy
vessel. She is not a convenient place to discharge his sexual lusts. In the
marriage bed, as well as in all of his relationships with her, he is to treat
her with honor and respect. To use a secular phrase, he is always to be a
gentleman. In all things lawful he is to have a first concern for his wife.
No husband can of
himself love his wife in the measure asked for by God. By God’s grace and in His
strength, as the husband trusts more in Christ, these ideals become possible.
Instead of ideals, they become living facts in the life of the husband.
As we ponder these
truths, we begin to sense the awesome responsibility of the husband to love his
wife – to love her without condition or reservation – to love her as long as she
lives. With this mandate set before the husband, how could he ever think of
divorce? The word "divorce" should not even be in his vocabulary. No wonder the
old marriage forms declared: (non biblical)
I, John, take thee, Jane, to
be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
till death do us part according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee
my troth.
THE WIFE'S
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
What about the wife’s
relationship to the husband? Because of the problem of unsaved husbands being
married to Christian wives appears to be more serious and prevalent problem
today than Christian husbands being married to unsaved wives, we will spend
considerably more time with this question. The Bible tells us in
Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit yourselves unto
your own husbands." Is this submission to be without condition or
resonation? Surely, if she respects him and he is worthy of her respect, she
would be submissive to him. But what if he turns out to be a scoundrel, a
drunkard, a philandering adulterer, or a wife beater? Is she still to be
submissive to him? Does she have to live like a doormat for him to walk all
over? The Bible speaks about what she is to do while married to such a husband.
Matthew
18:21-22 applies to her in the same way it applies to her husband:
Then
came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and
I
forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto
him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
If she is a Christian,
this passage leaves her no alternative but to forgive again and again as her
husband sins against her.
A TYRANT
OF A HUSBAND
God deals more
specifically with this problem in I Peter 2 and 3. In
I Peter 2:18-24 God deals with the
matter of the servant who works for a cruel, ruthless, despotic master:
Servants, be subjected to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and
gentle, but also to the froward. For this thankworthy, if a man for conscience
toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it, if, when ye
be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do
well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For
even hereunto were ye called; because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an
example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile
found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he
suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth
righteously: Who his own self bare sins in his own body on the tree, that we,
being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were
healed.
In these verses God
indicates that it is our mission in life to bear patiently the injustices, the
revilings, and the abuse of those who rule over us. We are not to revile in
return. We are to realize that God has called us to walk in the footsteps of our
Lord. We are to realize that God has called us to walk in the footsteps of our
Lord. We are to look to Him as our example, and the abuse He endured included
His death on the cross.In the opening verses of I Peter 3 God ties the
admonishments of I Peter 2 to the wife who is married to an unsaved husband. The
Bible exhorts in I Peter 3:1-5:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not
the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the
wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose
adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of
wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let if be the hidden man of
the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and
quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner
in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves,
being in subjection unto their own husbands.
The important word
"likewise" in verse 1 ties these verses of Chapter 3 to the instruction given in
Chapter 2. Effectively, God is exhorting: "Even as the servant of a cruel master
is to patiently endure abuse, so, too, the wife who is married to a cruel
husband is to patiently ensure abuse." Verse 1 of Chapter 3 emphasizes that the
husband in this case does not obey the Word. That is, he is in rebellion against
God. He pays no attention to God’s rules which declare that the husband is to
love his wife and forgive her repeatedly.
The word "likewise"
also implies that he, like the master of I Peter 2, may be unjust, cruel, and a
tyrant in the home. Human reason might conclude that with this condition in the
home, the wife has every right to separate from her husband because no one
should have to live under such unhappy, difficult conditions.
God has a different
answer. The word "divorce" is not to be a part of the wife’s vocabulary. She
must make it her business to love her husband as God commands. Because God
always wants the best for the human race, God’s laws are the only trustworthy
rules to follow. God declares she is to be quietly submissive to her difficult
husband.
Two principles are
established in I Peter 3:1. The first is that she is not to nag, accuse, or
preach to her husband. The second is that she is to be submissive to him.
The God-honoring
inclination of the God-fearing wife of an unsaved husband is to desire his
salvation. She earnestly desires his salvation because she knows that is headed
for hell; he is under the wrath of God because of his sins. She desires his
salvation because in the human sense she is embarrassed before her friends and
relatives to be married to such a godless husband. Oh, how happy she would be if
he would be a believer like the other christian husbands.
She desires his
salvation because she knows that it would mean her trauma of being married to a
difficult tyrant of a husband would come to an end. She knows that if saved, her
husband would desire the best for her and show his love to her because a
believing husband wants to obey God’s commands to love his wife as Christ loves
the eternal church.
Thus, there is much at
stake as she prays for the salvation of her husband. She knows that salvation
comes by the Word of God and that she is commanded by God to be a witness. She
seeks every possible occasion to share the Gospel with her husband. Certainly,
she reasons, her activity is in accord with the will of God.
WITHOUT A WORD
God says, "No!" If her
husband is to be saved, he is to be won without the Word. Why would God teach
this apparently impossible program? Does God have one means by which He saves
normal unbelievers and another program whereby He saves husbands? That cannot be
true. Then why this curious admonition that the wife is to be silent?
We can begin to
understand when we see the special conditions that prevails in the husband-wife
relationship. When we bring the Gospel to others, normally they know little
about our personal lives. Therefore, all that the unbeliever usually sees is the
Gospel itself.
If a minister preaches
from the pulpit, "Thus saith the Lord," while it is a well-known fact that he is
living in sin, his preaching will have little power. Those who hear him speak
look upon him as a hypocrite. In such a case the elders ought to deal with the
pastor, and even seek to remove him from his role of pastor, if necessary.
Likewise, if we know
someone who seems to be an ardent witness of the Gospel, and yet does not live
the Gospel, we will not take him seriously. He, too, will be looked upon as a
hypocrite. An unsaved person may know something about the life of the one
witnessing to him, but not everything.
But a husband knows
more than anyone else about his wife’s thinking and actions. He has lived, and
may still be living with her, in the most intimate relationship. He is with her
when she goes to bed and all through the night. He is with her in the morning
before she has had her first cup of coffee. He is with her when she is tense,
tired, depressed, or angry. Because of the intimacy of marriage, he knows by
the way she walks, by the way she looks at him, by the way she greets him when
he comes home from work, by the way she puts food on the table, and by countless
other mannerisms, whether she is thinking lovingly or resentfully towards him.
Therefore, even though she claims to be such a fine Christian, fellowship with
other Christians and insisting that her husband repent from his sins and trust
Christ as Savior, her husband knows at often she lives quite differently from
the way she preaches to him. He may be convinced that whatever Christianity his
wife has, he does not want it. He senses hypocrisy in his wife.
He may not know that
the Bible declares that a saved wife should have an earnest desire to forgive
her husband again and again. He may not know that the Bible declares that a
saved wife is not to nurse resentful feelings against her husband. He may not
know that the Bible exhorts believers to walk patiently. He may not know that
the Bible states that the wife’s body belongs to the husband and, therefore, in
the bedroom she is to give herself willingly, warmly, and lovingly to him. He
may not know that the Bible says that the wife is to submit to her husband in
all things lawful. He may not know that his wife is to accept him as her husband
without reservation of any kind.
He senses that his
wife’s actions do not measure up to her words. She tells her husband to read the
bible, obey God, and be a better husband, but he thinks about the times his wife
has reacted to situations just like an unbeliever, and he becomes convinced she
is hypocritical. His defenses against the Gospel increase when he senses
negative feelings from his wife toward him. He thinks about his wife’s attitude
toward him, her resentment, her coldness in the intimacy of the bedroom, her
mannerisms and words that suggest strongly that she would be happier without
him, and he knows one thing very well: If this is what being saved is all about,
he wants no part of it.
If the husband is doing
negative things against the wife, her christian friends will look upon her as a
loving child of God who unfortunately is married to a beast of a husband. When
she is with her friends, when she talks to other believers, when she attends a
fellowship, she appears to be a lovely, devoted wife who dearly loves to do the
will of God. None of the dear people in the congregation know her as her
husband does. They cannot know how cold and resisting she may be in the marriage
bed. They cannot know about the resentment she shows toward her husband. Neither
can they know the intense frustration of a husband living with a wife who in the
most intimate relationship of the marriage does not practice what she preaches.
Therefore in I Peter
3:1 God admonishes the wife to reach her husband’s heart by silent submission.
Let her quietly obey God’s rules without preaching to her husband. Because of
the tremendous intimacy that exists between husband and wife, her actions will
speak far louder than words. The same admonition applies to the saved husband
who is married to an unsaved wife. If the saved husband’s intimate lifestyle
does not clearly show the fragrance of Christ, his wife will look upon him as a
hypocrite. In the intimacy of marriage, the old adage "actions speak louder than
words" certainly applies.
GOD GIVES THE RULES
The believing wife
earnestly seeks to practice the principles set forth in Philippians 4:8:
Finally, brethren,
whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are
just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise,
think on these things.
She asks for God’s
forgiveness when she thinks resentfully of her husband. When her husband sins
against her, no matter how often, she gladly forgives him. No matter how her
husband treats her, she tries to convey to him that she is glad she is married
to him. She can do this honestly because she realizes that God has fused them
into one flesh. She realizes that since they are married, her life will remain
intimately involved with her husband until God takes on of them in death. The
impact of this kind of godly behavior on an unsaved husband is bound to be
enormous. Even though he is unsaved, he knows that he is wrong when he mistreats
his wife. He sees her continuing faithfulness to him, her quiet submission, her
continuing forgiveness, and he will slowly realize that his wife is special. By
God’s grace, God may use this awareness to open his spiritual eyes. This is the
essence of the teaching of I Peter 3:1. Her patient, submissive conduct toward a
tyrant of a husband may not be understood by friends and relatives. If they do
not understand God’s laws, they might tempt this dear wife by accusing her of
being a "doormat" or a "patsy."
Because she is truly
saved, she has within her an earnest desire to do the will of God, which is an
integral part of her life. I John 2:3-6
teaches:
And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that
saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is
not in him. But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God
perfected: hereby know we that we are in him. He that saith he abideth in him
ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.
The only time she is to
disobey her husband is if he asks her to break God’s laws. If he asks her to
lie, steal, or engage in sexual activity with someone other than himself, she,
of course, must disobey. Such disobedience may bring the husband’s wrath on her;
however, if she has been the God-fearing, quietly submissive wife God command
her to be, without question her husband’s wrath will be reduced from what it
might have been had she not been faithfully obeying God’s rules.
THE WIFE’S SECRET WEAPON
One area of special
concern may arise if her husband forbids her to engage in spiritual activities.
God commands in Hebrews 10:25:
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is,
but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Should she disobey her
husband if he makes such an unreasonable request? Should she disobey him if he
forbids her to teach the children the ways of Christ? God commands in Ephesians
6 that children are to be brought up in the ear and nurture of the Lord.
A direct answer to
these questions cannot be given until other factors are considered because
actions in the wife’s life sometimes bring about distressing confrontations
about fellowship. One big factor concerns the fact that the wife has a weapon
she can use against her husband for which he has no defense whatsoever. The
confrontation concerning fellowship may be his way of getting even with his wife
for using this weapon him. What is this powerful weapon? It is a weapon that the
wife may wield without any deliberate malice towards her husband, and she might
even employ it consciously to put him in his place. It is not a weapon of
physical strength. Ordinarily the wife is physically much weaker than her
husband in some way. It is the weapon of a lack of submission in the intimacy of
the bedroom.
Suppose a husband is
very thoughtless toward his wife. He may be quite cruel toward her. She can show
her resentment toward him by reacting with cutting remarks, giving him the
silent treatment, or similar treatment accorded to her by her husband. If she
truly is saved, she realizes this kind of conduct is altogether rebellious
against God.Nevertheless, the husband can deal with these types of conduct. He
can be more threatening. He can be more vicious in his verbal attacks on his
wife. He might even resort to beating her. Since everyone who starts a fight
wants to win the fight, the husband, too, wants to win. Nothing is resolved by
such exchanges between a husband and wife; the marriage is grievously threatened
by them, and the husband feels equal to such challenges, insults, and treatment
from his wife. Because he normally is physically the stronger of the two, he can
feel that in some way he has won. In the bedroom the wife has a weapon that can
drive the husband wild. Even though he may be a cruel, thoughtless husband, he
knows that the greatest joy he has ever experienced is when his wife lovingly
gave herself to him in the intimacy of the bedroom. This intimacy is far more
important to him than he realizes for God has fused him into one flesh with his
wife. Therefore, anything that destroys the joy of that intimacy is a blow to
the center of his manhood.
The problem is that in
order to experience the joy and wonder of the marriage bed, his wife needs to
have warm and loving thoughts towards her husband, and she finds herself
incapable of reacting with loving submission to his advances in the marriage
bed. She may try to avoid the marriage bed altogether; or if it looks like it
cannot be avoided, she may be cold and unresponsive to his advances.
Soon she learns that
nothing bewilders, hurts, and frustrates her husband more than her lack of
loving submission to his advances. Because she cannot win the shouting match nor
the test of physical strength, she may opt for miserable pleasure in the fact
that in the bedroom she can be the winner because nothing negative her husband
does can force her to change. He can threaten, bully, or beat her, but this only
makes his wife even more unresponsive to his advances, and as a result, deepens
his frustrations and anger. Without realizing it, the wife is laying the
groundwork for another day of estrangement, quarreling, silent treatment, or
cruelty which the husband uses to try to get even for the tremendous battle he
lost in the bedroom. The husband and wife are not rationally thinking about what
is happening. They are reacting with the intuition of the sinful tendencies that
dwell within them.The husband might strike back to even the score. What can he
take from his wife that she loves the most? Aha! She is a Christian and always
makes a big point of worshipping on the sabbath, or listening to Family Radio,
or reading the children Bible stories. He knows how he can really hurt her. He
will forbid her to do these things.
All her christian
friends can see is an unregenerate tyrant of a husband who is in rebellion
against God. They, of course, do not have the slightest idea of what is going on
in the marriage bed. Meanwhile, the wife goes about appearing to be a martyr and
receiving the sympathies of her friends. She may not realize that her conduct in
the marriage bed (as legitimate and logical as it may seem to her), is
reprehensible to God. She is violating God’s rule that she is to be in quiet
submission to her husband. She is violating God’s rule that she is to
continuously forgive her husband. She is violating God’s rule that her body
belongs to her husband.
The weapon of
unresponsiveness in the marriage bed should never be used. It will drive the
husband into the arms of another woman quicker than anything else. It will serve
to destroy the marriage more quickly than anything else because it is tampering
with God's design that makes the two one flesh.
On the other hand,
consider the wife who loves the Lord and lives by God's rules Her unsaved
husband may begin to wonder, "How can I be married to such a wonderful,
forgiving, thoughtful woman?" He may become increasingly embarrassed by his own
thoughtlessness and cruelty. So, when she asks if she can attend a worship
service on Sunday, he has no reason to deny her. He does not need to get even
with her.
One could ask at this
point, "Are you saying that all the problems of marriage begin in the marriage
bed?" The answer is that they may not necessarily begin there, but it is there
that they can be greatly advanced, and it is there they can to a very high
degree be solved.The idea of becoming one flesh with one’s spouse embraces much
more than the marriage bed, but it is there that it is the most obvious that the
two become one flesh. That is why it is one of the most sensitive areas in the
marriage relationship. When the lady married her husband, she was quite sure
she loved him. After the honeymoon was over, and after living with him in the
confines and intimacy of the marriage relationship, she found that he had many
qualities that she did not like. He made unwise decisions. He was self-centered.
He squandered the money that should have been used to buy groceries. He was
lazy. He could not hold a job. She found that all her dreams about a pretty
white house with a white picket fence around it would never be realized. Worse
than that, he began to run after other women. He even became a drunkard.
Must she remain married
to this man? Is she not entitled to something better than this? Is her entire
life to be enslaved to this man who has turned out to be so miserable in many
ways?
The Bible’s answer
comes back clear and strong: "What God has joined together, let not man put
asunder." The Bible insists that she has been fused into on flesh with this man.
He is her husband. He is not just any man. His life is her life and her life is
his life. She is to live out her life in quiet submission to him. She is to
skillfully and lovingly encourage him. She is to try to help him see his
potential. She cannot nag him. She cannot boss him. She cannot threaten him. The
ideas of separation or divorce must never even enter her thoughts.
Again we are reminded
of the old marriage form:
I, Jane, take thee, John, to
be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
till death do us part according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee
my troth.
The violation in thought of
the basic principle that marriage cannot be broken is the major root of many
divorces today. As long as a husband or a wife thinks, "I will love you as long
as you are worthy of my love," the disaster of divorce hovers over that
marriage. It is the husband’s responsibility to love his wife without
reservation. It is the wife’s to love her husband without reservation. Oh, if
only husbands and wives could realize the importance of this principle. The
husband must make it his business to love his wife and want the very best for
her. The wife must make it her business to lovingly live in quiet submission to
her husband. Each must accept the other totally and fully as part of their life
as long as they live.
As illogical,
irrational, and foolish as these principles may appear to the secular mind, they
are the principles laid down by God. If we disobey them, it is to our own hurt.
If we obey them as a child of God, we can know that we have God’s blessings, and
that is everything!
WHEN
CHILDREN COME
When two people become
married, a wonderful joy is experienced by both the husband and the wife. Often,
the husband relates most intensively to this because he feels that his "number
one." The wife, in her love for her husband, gladly bestows her attention and
her affection on him. He in turn responds by showing great consideration and
affection for his wife. Of course, they beginning of a marriage will not be
without problems. The wife at times will have great difficulty in submitting her
will to that of her husband. The transition from being a single, independent
person to being bound to a husband requires great adjustments in any woman’s
life. Nevertheless, she has her husband and she wants to be the very best wife.
Likewise, the husband at
times may feel burdened by the new responsibilities of having a wife. He, too,
has left the freedoms of the single state. Now he feels fettered to his wife. He
knows he should always care for her and always want the best for her.
Consciously or subconsciously, he may have moments when he wishes he did not
have the responsibility or a wife. Thus, there will be times of misunderstanding
and quarreling, but they have each other, and each one is still number one in
the eyes of the other. Then the first baby comes. The husband is so proud. Just
think – He is the father. And the wife is radiant with the joy being a
mother. Along with the beautiful baby comes another problem. The wife is "oh, so
happy" in her motherhood, but a great amount of her time, energy, and affection
must be given to this precious infant. She feels tremendously fulfilled as she
showers her love and affection on her baby.
The husband, too, loves
his new baby. But soon, he begins to realize he is no longer number one. The
baby has become number one in his wife’s love and affection. If he is mature and
responsible, he will understand that there is much more to marriage than just
having a loving, submissive wife. One of the most important aspects of marriage
is the bringing forth of children, which is God’s method of continuing the human
race so that God’s purposes can be worked out on this earth. In other words, two
people who marry each other should understand that a major obligation of
marriage is the matter of children. Married couples avoid or delay the
responsibility of children by the use of birth control devices, but the sinful
practice of birth control is not the subject of this study.
If the husband is
immature in the matter of children (and most husbands are, to some degree), the
problem can have devastating results in the marriage. He is no longer the center
of his wife’s attention. While his wife still loves him and submits herself to
his attentions, it seems that she always has the baby on her mind. A competitor
is in the house, one who seems to compete for his wife’s affections, and she
gladly shares her affections with the little competitor. Then the second baby
comes. Now the wife’s attention is even further diverted from her husband. The
demands of caring for the children, in addition to all of the other domestic
responsibilities, leave little energy and concern for the marriage bed. The
husband feels more left out than ever. His manhood is being terribly threatened.
His wife seems to have become much less responsive to his needs. It seems there
is nothing he can do about it.
Wonderfully, in many
marriages the husband recognizes his own selfishness and realizes that he must
focus his eyes upon his own responsibilities as a parent rather than on his
selfish desires with his wife. In these cases the family ties are strengthened
by the arrival of children.
Unfortunately, in some
marriages the husband does not see his selfishness. All he knows is that he has
a wife who does not submit to him the way she did when they were first married.
He, therefore, begins to withdraw from his wife. He begins to spurn the
intimacies of the marriage bed.
Because his wife is
busy loving and caring for the children, she does not always sense the change in
her husband. In fact, she may even think that he has grown somewhat tired of the
marriage bed and that he actually welcomes the extended periods during which
there is little intimacy. She fails to realize her husband’s pride is being
severely damaged and that he is withdrawing because he cannot stand the
frustration of having a wife whom he believes is not entirely submissive to
him. The outcome of this situation is frequently alienation between the husband
and the wife. The husband may spend long hours away from the home when he has no
compelling reason to be away. He may concentrate his attention on business,
hobbies, or friends. Perhaps the time comes when separate bedrooms become a way
of life for these unhappy parents. In our day, the prevalence of divorce
suggests that divorce will be only a little way down the road for such couple.
The wife, who loves her children and her husband, does not understand that her
child of
a husband feels that he
must always be number one in his wife’s affections. She does not realize that
with the coming of children she needs to demonstrate in a special way that her
love and submission to her husband will always come first in her life. If a
wife sees her husband pouting or acting selfishly, there is a tremendous
temptation on her part to feel offended and withdraw from her husband. This kind
of action often intensifies the problem. Instead of one person acting sinfully
in the marriage relationship, now both are acting sinfully, and sin is always
destructive. The outcome of sin is always negative and detrimental to those
involved.
Of course, the husband
is no less responsible than the wife to maintain the marriage relationship in a
God-glorifying way. Because he is the head of the home, he has a greater
responsibility than the wife. Therefore, when he reacts jealously and selfishly
in response to his wife’s time and affection for the children, his sin is great.
He stands altogether guilty before God. What can a wife do who finds that her
husband is not as close to her as he was during the early days of their
marriage? If she can understand the stress that the coming of children has
placed on her immature husband, she can go a long way in correcting the problem.
Because God has
ordained that the husband and wife are to live together in the greatest possible
intimacy, the wife who discovers that her husband is beginning to withdraw from
that special intimacy should be greatly concerned. Her husband may not admit his
frustration or his hurt pride; nevertheless, the wife should make sure that her
attentions to her children and domestic duties do not help develop the
withdrawal in her childish husband.
Because the wife finds
great fulfillment in being a mother, the intimacies of the marriage bed are
usually not as needful in her life as they are in the life of her husband.
Therefore, she must be especially alert to withdrawal signs in her husband. Such
action on the part of the husband can signal that difficult times are coming for
their marriage.
The wife must realize
that it is important for her childish husband to be number one in the marriage
relationship. Prayerfully, patiently, tenderly, consistently she should convey
to her husband her faithful love for him. Little gestures, loving looks, a
touch, all the things that were important during courtship and the honeymoon
should remain in evidence.
If the estrangement has
greatly advanced, it may take time before the husband will sense again the love
and devotion his wife has for him. Moreover, because his ardor has become like
ice, the wife will need God’s grace to persistently continue her efforts to
rekindle desire in his heart. We can do all things through Christ who
strengthens us. It is entirely in agreement with God’s Word for a wife to show
her love to her husband. Therefore, as God strengthens her, she is to continue
her efforts to show her love to him in every way possible.
GOD’S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT
We have been looking at
a marriage where the tensions have developed to the point that divorce is
looming on the horizon. When this situation occurs, the unsaved couple has
little help them. Their parents’ desires, peer pressure from friends, or a
feeling of responsibility toward their children may help keep the marriage going
for a while, but because neither spouse recognizes the authority of the Bible,
and because their world is increasingly condones divorce, the reasonable
expectation for this marriage is, unfortunately, divorce.
On the other hand, if
one of the spouses is truly a child of God, the expectation for this marriage is
much brighter. By God’s grace, if the husband is saved, he can do much to
protect the continuation of the marriage by following God’s rules. Likewise, if
the wife is a true child of God, she can be very effective in maintaining the
continuation of her marriage. The task that faces the saved spouse of an unsaved
partner who is exceedingly disagreeable to live with is formidable. No
individual in his or her own strength can face some of the difficulties that can
arise. Only God’s grace can sustain them through stressful situations.
But God’s grace is
sufficient. God has given beautiful and certain promises that can be depended
upon. God has promised He will never leave us nor forsake us. God has committed
Himself to the principle that all things work together for good for those who
love Him (Romans 8:28). The believer has the assurance that he can bring all his
anxieties to his heavenly Father and receive the peace that passes
understanding. He knows that God is able to change the situation overnight. He
is quite aware that the difficulties being faced are part of God’s plan for his
life.
In fact, the believing
spouse will discover that the continuing problems that arise from being married
to an unsaved spouse only cause the believer to trust God more. He will no
t have the wisdom or the
strength in himself to continue in the face of the seemingly mountainous
difficulties being faced, but how wonderful to know that all the problems and
frustrations can be poured out in prayer to God, who dearly loves His child.
With the secure knowledge that God in heaven is still in charge, the child of
God can face tomorrow. One of the wonders of God’s grace that will grow
increasingly clear to the believing spouse is the fact that this earthly life is
not "the big picture." We are here for only a few short years. Our time here is
like a drop in the ocean compared with the eternity we will spend in the new
heavens and new earth. Therefore, whatever the trauma that must be faced, it
will have an end, and following that welcome end is a life in which there is no
suffering nor sorrow nor unhappiness. The saved spouse needs to be aware that
the unsaved is on the way to hell. While he may appear to be "getting away" with
his selfishness, he is not. The unsaved spouse is to be pitied to the highest
possible degree. If he dies without becoming saved, every one of his sins must
be paid for. The payment God demands is eternal damnation. On the other hand,
even thought the saved spouse may suffer greatly, the spiritual blessings
already enjoyed, along with the certainty of eternity with our Lord, emphasize
the fact that the saved spouse has everything on his side.
COURTSHIP
The potential awfulness
of a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever is so great that a word of
caution must be directed to those who are thinking about marriage. How careful
must a person be who is unmarried and who is becoming romantically inclined
toward someone? The answer is that he must be exceedingly careful.It is of
absolute importance that each knows as much about the other as possible before
marriage. Dating and engagement as we know them in our land are designed to
provide time to acquire this knowledge.
TAKE CARE WHOM YOU DATE
Obviously, if a person
discovers that the other person is divorced and their spouse is still living,
then it is fooling to date that person. Even if the divorced person has become a
beautiful child of God, marriage should not take place. Even if the divorce took
place before the person became saved, there cannot be remarriage. It would be
exceedingly reckless to date such a person. It would place huge temptation
before both persons.
Before two people
become romantically interested in each other, it is imperative that they pay
careful attention to the spiritual condition of the potential partner. How awful
it would be if one person seemed to be saved but after the honeymoon, the saved
spouse discovered that their mate was unsaved.
If on the first few
dates the saved person finds no substantial evidence that the other person is a
child of God, then dating should cease. Romantic love has a way of blinding
people more than they are willing to admit. Because an unsaved person can seem
to be interested in Christian things and can have many attractive qualities, it
is easy to focus only on attractive qualities. Many a wife, who has discovered
after the wedding that she was married to an unsaved man, had not been careful
enough when she dated. She might have realized at first that all was not
spiritually well with the handsome man she was dating, but as she became
increasingly attracted to him, she began to rationalize about what he could
become. Surely, she reasons, her influence is so great in his life that if he is
not saved, she will witness to him and pray for him, and he will eventually
become saved. Meanwhile, she becomes more and more blinded by romantic love. She
has already violated two important rules. First, dating, engagement, and
marriage are not missionary endeavors. If she wants to minister to the unsaved,
there are thousands of people around her who need her witness. The arena of
romance is no the place for missionary work; it is designed to provide, by God’s
grace, a godly marriage. This must remain the single focus of the dating
agreement. There are instances wherein a child of God has had the glad
experience of seeing a steady date become saved. These unusual exceptions
provide no sound basis for a believer to date an unbeliever because so many
emotions are involved for romantic love. Unless there is clear, immediate, and
continuing evidence that the one being dated is a child of God, the only wise
action is to cease dating right away.
Suppose at the start of
dating there is good evidence that he is not a child of God, but the dates
continue because many attractive qualities can be seen in him. The Christian
knows the importance of salvation and encourages the unsaved person to read the
Bible and pray. Because the unsaved person is falling in love with the saved
person, he increasingly tries to please her. She, as the saved person, will
become increasingly convinced that God’s Spirit is working in the heart of her
steady date. After all, why does he appear to be so interested in the Bible? At
times he says or does things that are quite alien to a saved person, but because
she is falling in love with him, she overlooks her fears and tries to see God’s
grace in his life. When parents and friends express concern, she will not
listen. By the time she has fallen in love, she has convinced herself that God’s
grace is present in his life. She is sure that after they are married, he will
grow in the things of the Lord.
So they marry each
other. Now he has her as his wife. By the time the honeymoon is over, he knows
he does not have to try as hard to please her. Attending a worship service and
studying the Bible bore him, and he soon ceases doing these things. The bride
discovers to her utter consternation that she is married to an unsaved husband.
She realizes, too, that she is married to him until death parts them. Because
her husband does not care about God’s rules against divorce, there is a strong
likelihood that when he gets tired of living with a wife who puts a high premium
on fellowship and reading the Bible, he will seek a divorce. This may come after
the family has grown to include several children. So the believing wife becomes
divorced. According to the Bible, she may never marry again as long as her
husband lives. In his rebellion against God, he marries someone else, and she is
left with the heavy responsibility of rearing the children.
Unfortunately, this sad
scenario is being repeated again and again in our day. If only those who are
free to marry would realize the enormous consequences of marriage! One can never
be too careful in deciding whom to date. Some may argue that dating is quite
innocent and does not necessarily have to point to marriage. But all dating,
however innocuous, superficial, and innocent it may appear to be, is a
preliminary step toward marriage. Ordinarily, every marriage begins with a first
date. Dating is a ritual that prepares the couple for a successful marriage.
Therefore, during
courtship the chief focus should be on spiritual concerns, such as: What is
salvation? What does it mean to be born again? What is the true Gospel?
What about baptism? What
about the education of those children? What kind of school would we try to send
them to? What is the wife’s chief role in marriage? Is she to be first an
assistant breadwinner and then a keeper of the home? Or is she first to be a
keeper of the home and assist as a breadwinner only if it does not interfere
with her duties at home? What about family devotions? What about the
responsibility of giving to God’s work? What about the use of birth control
measures? etc., etc.
By facing these
questions before marriage, at least two goals will be realized. First, it will
provide a forum for the examination of the spiritual sensitivities of each
person. Two people may be convinced the other person is a child of God, but if
agreement cannot be reached on these issues, there are serious doubts as to the
advisability of marriage. To enter into the intimate, binding relationship of
marriage with disagreements on these issues is exceedingly dangerous. The
disagreements are sure to intensify during marriage.On the other hand, by
honestly and openly facing these issues before marriage, a solid foundation can
be laid for a happy, God-glorifying marriage. If there is honest agreement on
these matters, both will enter into marriage secure in the knowledge that
harmony will prevail. We will consider some questions that arise in Christian
circles. For example, when we become a Christian, old things have passed away
and all things have become new. Does this imply that if I was divorced before I
was saved, after I am saved I am a new creature and I am free to remarry? What
if I become saved after I have married a second time?
DIVORCED AND THE NEWLY SAVED
that saved people have
become new creatures in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have
become new. Is this teaching Biblical?
This teaching is quite
unbiblical. First, it does not recognize that God’s laws apply to all mankind.
For example, the commandments "thou shalt not kill" and "thou shalt not covet"
apply to the unbeliever as well as to the believer. The difference is in the
response to these commands. The true believer earnestly desires to be obedient
to all of God’s commands, while the unbeliever pays little or no attention to
these rules.
The true believer knows
that all of the commands of the Bible are to be obeyed. There is no statement of
the Bible he would disregard. Therefore, if the Bible says he is not to remarry
after divorce, then he will remain single. This is true whether he was divorced
before or after he was saved.
Second, becoming a new
creature in Christ does not necessarily nullify the physical results of our sin.
For example, a murderer is sentenced to the electric chair, and while waiting to
be executed, he becomes saved. Because he is a child of God, he will never be
threatened with hell for murder or for any other sin he committed. He now stands
absolutely blameless before God. Does this mean that he can leave death row and
avoid execution? No, he must be executed for his crime unless he receives a
pardon from the governor.
The same is true of a
drunkard. Because of his drunkenness, he is dying of liver disease. Then he
becomes saved, and all of his sins, including drunkenness, have been covered by
Christ’s blood. Does this mean that he will not die of liver disease? Not
necessarily. Normally, the effects of his drunkenness continue with
him. Likewise, the man who has messed up his life because of divorce can be
forgiven of the sin of divorce along with every other sin he has committed. When
he becomes saved he can know that he will never have to answer to God for any of
his sins. However, much of the impact of his sins remains with him. God’s laws
concerning marriage and divorce still stand. Even if he becomes saved after he
was divorced, God’s law prohibits remarriage while his former spouse lives.
Therefore, he will remain single as God has commanded.
SOME FINAL QUESTIONS
This leads us into
another question. Would our loving, forgiving, heavenly Father, our God, expect
those who are divorced to live the single life in total celibacy?
This question can be
answered from two vantage points. First, consider a marriage that was broken by
God; a widow with five children, one of whom is a child with special needs. God
has taken her husband by death.
Biblically she is free
to remarry, and if any family needs a husband and a father, it is certainly this
one. In actuality, marriage for this widow is highly unlikely. It would be
difficult to find a man to be father to five children but almost impossible to
find a man willing to take on the additional responsibilities of a child with
special needs.
Did God leave this poor
widow in an impossible, terrible situation? God is perfect in His actions and
His wisdom. When God took this husband by death, God knew that the widow could
continue a meaningful and happy life without the presence of a husband and
father for her children.
Her life would be
different from what the world considers ideal. She would need the help of
others, and she would have to constantly cry out to God for wisdom and patience.
But she would find that God’s grace is sufficient. In fact, she could experience
in a dynamic way the reality of such promises as "I will never leave thee, nor
forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5). God’s grace is sufficient for those whose
marriages have been broken by His action, and His grace is sufficient for those
whose marriages have been tampered with by man’s action of divorce.
Second, in our sinful,
finite minds, we think that because the intimacies enjoyed in marriage were a
necessary part of our life, it would be nearly impossible to live a celibate
life after divorce. "How can I be expected to live the rest of my life without
any further intimacies with the opposite sex? Surely a good God does not intend
that for me," we might reason. God designed us. God put the body chemistry
within us so that we can enjoy the intimacies of marriage. It is God who assures
us that is it possible for humans to live happy lives without the benefit of
such intimacies. God declares in I Corinthians 7:27, "Art thou loosed from a
wife? seek not a wife." He says in verses 32-34:
But I would have you
without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to
the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the
things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference
also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of
the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is
married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
These verses show that
there are special advantages available to the unmarried. In these verses, God is
not speaking to a certain group within the company of believers; He is speaking
to all who have become children of God. Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:12:
For there are some eunuchs,
which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which
were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves
eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him
receive it.
The strict definition
of a eunuch is someone who is not physically equipped to perform the sexual act.
Jesus is teaching that some people make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the
kingdom of heaven. He is not implying that they are to have themselves
physically altered. Rather, they choose to live without the physically intimacy
of the marriage relationship. In denying themselves this intimacy, they gain new
and wonderful ways to live to God’s glory.
The world in which we
live has put an enormous priority on sexual intimacy. Advertisements, novels, TV
programs, and psychologists of our day have brainwashed some people into
thinking that if we cannot have this kind of intimacy, we are being deprived of
the greatest blessing known to man.
This is a lie. God’s
Word is the truth. While God indicates there are certain blessings within the
marriage relationship - particularly in the rearing of godly children - there
are greater blessings to be realized in the single state. The single person has
the advantage of more time to serve the Lord by doing good works, such as
visiting the lonely, caring for children of broken homes, and helping the
elderly in nursing homes. He has more time for Bible study and prayer. Married
people should also be involved in denying themselves so that their lives might
be as fruitful as possible for Christ, but the unmarried can demonstrate these
ideals to the highest degree.
The spiritual dimension
of doing good works can make a big difference in the lives of widows, widowers,
divorced people, and those who have never married. God has given special comfort
and promise to all those who are single. When he lives in accordance with God’s
principles, these blessings become evident. If the single person listens to the
advice of the world, he might have the overwhelming feeling that the single
state makes a person a deprived, pitiable, second-class citizen. This can set
the stage for a fall into fornication. Only when God’s rules are followed can
the life of the single person become even more victorious than that of the
married person.
THE
SECOND MARRIAGE
The question we are
facing is a serious one, even though it should not be. If the human race, were
obeying God’s laws concerning marriage and divorce, there would be few second
marriages. But because of the wholesale repudiation of God’s laws concerning the
sanctity of marriage, the problem has become enormous. Everywhere we turn we
meet those who have remarried after divorce.
The second marriage is
an adulterous marriage because the wife is bound to the husband as long as he
lives. Romans 7:3 declares:So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married
to another man, she shall be called an adulteress, though she be married to
another man.
The wife is an
adulteress if she is married to a second husband while her first husband is
still living. She is an adulteress because her first marriage has become
adulterated by her divorce, as well as because she has married a second husband.
In the Bible, a number
of examples are given of men with multiple wives: Jacob had four wives, David
had several wives, and Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, but these were
exceptions. The usual example that is given is of one wife. This was true of
Adam, Noah, Isaac, and Moses.
We also consider that
never does the Bible instruct a man to divorce all but the first wife. This is
remarkable when we remember that the principle of one man, one wife, goes all
the way back to the beginning. God did not tell Adam that the three or four or
several shall become one flesh. He instructed mankind in the beginning that the
two shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Although in Genesis 2:24 the number "two"
is not used, the verse speaks of a man cleaving to his wife (not wives),
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto
his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Jesus quotes this verse in Matthew 19:5
and Mark 10:8. In both of these verses He declares that the two shall be one
flesh. Therefore, we might expect that God would ask those who have violated
this command by taking multiple wives to divorce their additional wives. Such an
admonition is not given by God.
We must realize that
even though God has willed that the proper marriage is one husband, one wife, He
has allowed mankind to break this law by having multiple wives. Nowhere in the
Bible does He ask believers with multiple wives to divorce the extra wives. The
reason for this probably lies in the fact that even the marriage of a second
wife is still a marriage. Even though it is altogether wrong, for some reason
God still counts it as a marriage. Thus, the second wife becomes bound to the
husband even as the first wife has become bound to the husband. Once this
binding relationship occurs, it cannot be broken. The marriage to this second,
wife adulterates the pristine, ideal character of marriage of one husband, one,
but the second marriage is a marriage, and therefore, there can be no divorce.
When a man divorces his
first wife, she is still bound to him from God’s vantage point. Therefore, when
he takes a second wife while his first wife is living, he has two wives bound to
him. The act of divorcing his first wife was grievous sin. Likewise, the act of
marrying a second wife was grievous sin. But the second marriage is still a
marriage, and therefore, there cannot be divorce from the second wife. This is
the marriage in which he must continue until death separates him from his wife.
A second or third
marriage under these circumstances is far from ideal. From the standpoint of its
relationship to the first marriage, it is adulterous. There are still
responsibilities towards the first wife. Alimony and child support are the most
obvious, but there are moral and spiritual responsibilities and conflicts that
many continue to plague the one who has arrogantly violated God’s rules.
Unfortunately, the children frequently suffer the most because of selfish
parents. In spite of the difficulties of a second or third marriage after
divorce, it is still a marriage. The spouses involved are to live as if it were
their first marriage. Wonderfully, if they have become true believers, they can
know that all of the sins connected with the divorce and remarriage are covered
by Christ’s blood. Christ came for sinners, not righteous people. Regardless of
how many dirty, rotten sins we have committed, when Jesus becomes our Savior, we
can know that He has paid for all our sins.
This brings us to the
last group of questions we shall consider in this study. If a second marriage is
to be lived the same as a first marriage, with complete assurance that the sins
of divorce and remarriage have been completely forgiven by God, why not just go
ahead into a second marriage and then ask for God’s forgiveness later? Suppose I
am already married to someone, but I want to marry someone else with whom I have
fallen in love. Why not go ahead and get an unbiblical divorce and then sinfully
marry the other person? If I am divorced, can I marry someone else before I get
right with God? That way I can have my second marriage and Christ also, and I do
not have to live the rest of my natural life in the single state. These
questions and observations may seem logical and attractive. They appear to solve
the problem of one having his cake and eating it, too, but this course of action
is fraught with danger.
Effectively, the one
contemplating this action is taking the role of an adversary of Almighty God.
Effectively, he is saying, "I can sin as deeply and as often as I wish, and in
my own sweet time I can become saved. And God must save me when I am ready to
become saved." Such a one is tempting God like Israel tested God in the
wilderness when they complained that God was leading them to destruction. God
warns in I Corinthians 10:9: "Neither
let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of
serpents."
The specific sin God
had in view in this verse is recorded in Numbers 21:5-6 where we read:
And the people spake
against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to
die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and
our soul loatheth this light bread. And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the
people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. The nation of
Israel accused God of being too harsh in bringing them out of Egypt and into the
wilderness, where they were to live according God’s direction. Their complaints
against God only brought judgment upon them. So, too, those who insist on having
their own way concerning divorce or remarriage after divorce effectively are
complaining that God’s way is too severe and too harsh. They are insisting on
having their own way.
Ancient Israel insisted
on having its own way and as a result came under God’s wrath. Can we expect God
to treat any differently those who insist on having their own way in important
matters such as divorce and remarriage? Indeed, it is a very serious matter to
contend with Almighty God!
Moreover, the idea that
I can sin for as long as I like, and then, sometime in the future I can repent
at will and secure God’s grace, is entirely faulty and does not recognize nor
understand the nature of God’s grace. Mankind is not the decision maker in
salvation. Only Sovereign God Himself decides who is to be saved. He comes to us
commanding us to believe in Christ as Savior, and He warns, "How shall we
escape, if we neglect so great salvation" (Hebrews 2:3)? He exhorts, "make your
calling and election sure" (II Peter 1:10). He tells us in Psalm 51:17, "The
sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou
wilt not despise." He warns that He resists the proud and gives grace to the
humble (I Peter 5:5).
With such warning and
exhortations, how would anyone dare to deliberately rebel against God in
something as serious as divorce or remarriage after divorce? These are not sings
that one slips into incidentally or accidentally. These are sins that require
deliberate planning and consistent action over a period of considerable time. If
one’s heart is rebellious and hard enough today to commit such a sin, the
probability is that this person is not saved. Moreover, it is evidence that God
is not even drawing him toward salvation. If God is allowing him to engage in
such rebellion today, what assurance can he have that later God will deal kindly
with him, and soften his heart, and draw him to salvation?
We may never presume
upon the mercies of God. Today is the day of salvation. No one has any guarantee
or promise that he will even be alive tomorrow. How then can he know that
tomorrow he can make peace with God? To divorce or remarry after divorce,
knowing that such action is contrary to God’s will, is the most foolish and
dangerous action anyone could take. The only fulfilling way to live is in
accordance with God’s law is right now. May God give wisdom to those who have
even played with the idea of sinning now and repenting later.
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
The problem with
unbiblical marriage and divorce is so serious and catastrophic that we wonder
how the church could have strayed so far from the truth. Fifty years ago, it was
only in the more rebellious elements of the secular world that this sin was
visible. Because the church would not even countenance this sin, the secular
world did not dare to go too deeply into sin because the church is to some
degree the conscience of the secular world.
Then, a dear lady comes
along who was married to a man who was living adulterously with other women. The
church began to wonder: "Must this dear wife continue to live with that kind of
horrible husband?" So, in its sympathy and compassion, the church restudied the
question of divorce for adultery and finally decided, "Yes, the Bible does allow
divorce for adultery." And the door was opened so that not only could this dear
lady have her divorce, but many others in the congregation could begin to
lawfully seek divorce. Then, the people of the world began to expand their
divorce horizons, and divorce began to multiply in the world.
Another dear lady was
deserted by her husband and she had to labor all alone in caring for her
children, but there was a dear Christian man who loved her and wanted to marry
her. Surely, they reasoned, it must be in accordance with God’s will for those
children to have a Christian father to care for them.
So again the church, in
its pity and compassion for this woman, appointed study committees to research
the possibilities of Biblical divorce for desertion and Biblical remarriage
after divorce. And again victory was assured. Indeed, these theologians
successfully convinced themselves that the Bible allows divorce for desertion
and remarriage after divorce, and so not only could this dear lady divorce her
scoundrel of a husband, but she was free to marry the find Christian man who had
fallen in love with her.
Many in the church now
believe they have God’s blessing to divorce and remarry. Indeed, even deacons
and pastors are now divorcing and remarrying. And the world, taking its cue from
the church, becomes a wasteland of broken homes. Simultaneously, the church,
taking its cue from the world, tacitly gives assent to the dreadful sin of birth
control. This not only encourages the world to go deeper into this particular
sin, it also opens the door to increased fornication. Forty years ago it was
rightly considered shameful and repugnant for unmarried individuals of the
opposite sex to live together; now it is commonplace. Indeed, sexual restraints
of any kind have almost disappeared.
Along with all these
step-by-step violations of God’s laws for the protection of the family unit,
have come shattered lives of men, women, and children whose families have been
hopelessly broken. The havoc is so widespread and of such magnitude that no
words can accurately describe the full extent of the horror story.
It is no wonder that
God’s judgment is on the church of today. The primary blame for the destruction
of the marriage institution and the family unit must be placed at the door of
the church which has the Word of God that indicates that divorce is not to be
countenanced. The church is the institution that has rewritten God’s rules to
accommodate the sins of its members.
What can we do? We
must do what must always be done when we find sin in our lives. We must repent.
We must turn away from the rebellious rules that permit divorce and remarriage.
We must cry out to God for His mercy and forgiveness.
Unfortunately, few will
repent. The sins that have developed and been accepted, and which have slowly
but surely almost destroyed the marriage institution, are so widespread and
interwoven into the fabric of churches that there is little hope for repentance.
This is particularly so because we are close to the end of the world. These
dreadful sins evidence that fulfillment of the prophecy that most men’s love
will grow cold. May God have mercy on us.
Wonderfully, those who
truly want to be obedient to God’s Word can still move in the direction of a
more holy life. If we discover wrong practices or wrong doctrines in our life,
we can repent of them. God is gracious. He does forgive, and today the Bible is
just as much a guide for our lives as it has ever been.
Although we cannot turn
the massive destruction of the family around, individually we can grow in
holiness by becoming more obedient. That is the heart’s desire of every child of
God.
To Him be all glory and
power and praise. Amen
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